If Alexander Hamilton watched ‘Hamilton’ with Lin Manuel Miranda
In the wake of the rising popularity of the Broadway play Hamilton, we wondered what it would be like if Alexander Hamilton was revived and able to see the play with Hamilton creator Lin Manuel Miranda. We assume the conversation would go something like this:
Alexander Hamilton: Good day Lin, I am honored that you would coordinate a theater event in my name, it is an absolute pleasure to be here.
Lin Manuel Miranda: The pleasure is mine Mr. Secretary, I think you’ll really enjoy the play.
Hamilton: I sure do hope so! Say, which Injun tribe do you hail from?
Miranda: Mr. Secretary, I’m actually Puerto Rican and the term Injun hasn’t been used since Mark Twain died.
Miranda: Never mind, anyways the show is about to start, hope you’re excited.
*Five Minutes Later*
Hamilton: Oh my Lin, so many negroes on the stage. I was unaware that the opening was a minstrel show!
Miranda: Jesus dude, it’s an all black cast and please cool it with the racial epithets, we actually have a black president.
Hamilton: By George a slave president?! My oh my.
Miranda: Well Mr. Treasurer, some decades after your passing, slavery was actually abolished, and though it took another century after that, we took some more steps towards equality.
Hamilton: No slaves?! What’s next, a woman making a man’s wage in the workforce?
*Play continues to Act II*
Hamilton: Ah yes, the great old meeting between Thomas Jefferson and I. That ninny opposed the establishment of a federal reserve, as if he knew anything about banks. The only deposit he could make was inside one of his “equal employees.”
Miranda: Yeah that meeting was pretty contentious, they say Madison was getting really heated and convinced Jefferson to vote against your plan.
Hamilton: Of course it was contentious, you try getting things done in a new nation full of prissy British aristocrats. But I simply spoke to the Cabinet and Congress like adults and we were able to compromise and act on behalf of the people.
Miranda: Wow that must feel great, it’s pretty difficult to get things done with Congress these days.
Hamilton: Well has the President tried beating them with his cane when they get insubordinate?
Miranda: No I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.
Hamilton: I believe it’s perfectly legal for the blacks to carry canes.
Miranda: Not what I meant, never mind.
Hamilton: I don’t understand though, so what happens with the current party system? Are the Whigs being insubordinate?
Miranda: No, the Whigs no longer exist. Goddamn I forget how long you’ve been dead. Anyways, we have one party that went really extreme in their messaging and is now seeing that spiral out of control and then we have their opposing party who’s too soft to say much or use brute force or anything.
Hamilton: Wow that sounds kinda fucked, but as long as you don’t shift towards a dictator-like figure I guess that’s fine.
Miranda: Yeah, about that…
Hamilton: Holy shit. No?
Miranda: Mhm *shows Hamilton a YouTube video of Trump speech, literally any Trump video*
Hamilton: My God. I haven’t seen such an uppity orange man since that time my fraternity went tee-pee tipping.
Miranda: Wow that’s, umm, offensive. So yeah, in short, the current political landscape is pretty damn bleak so we cope by watching a play about you.
Hamilton: Yeah that’s pretty sad. So when does this play about me begin anyways? We should probably get all these black people off the stage before the crowd begins to boo.