A Line-by-Line Analysis of “Hotline Bling” by Drake

November 01, 2015 / by / 7 Comments

Drake has graced the world with a new single, “Hotline Bling.” Unfortunately though, the song’s ridiculous music video has dominated the conversation — with countless gifs of Drake dancing poorly by himself flooding the Internet. National Ave is here to change that.

Though the music video is ridiculous, the song’s lyrics are equally atrocious — and they need to be explained. Without further ado, here is National Ave’s Line-by-Line Analysis of “Hotline Bling:”

You used to call me on my, you used to, you used to
You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love

After months of looking like a legitimate contender to the rap throne – behind a certified banger in “0 to 100” and the successful dismantling of America’s Number 1 afterthought, Meek Mill – it looks like Drake is back to his #sadboi antics. He kicks off “Hotline Bling” with the Intenational #SadBoi motto: “You used to…” Drake is apparently saddened that his former flame no longer calls him for late night cuddles and froyo. Wheelchair Jimmy is rolling solo.

I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing

Drake is getting sentimental about drunken booty calls, like a weirdo. Not only that, he apparently has never seen a television show, movie, YouTube video, or talked with a human being – as evidenced by the fact that he thinks the onomatopoeic expression of a phone’s sound is “bling.” Since when has a single person every described the sound of their cellphone as “bling?”

“Hold on, I hear my cell phone blinging in the other room.” – Drake, infuriating every person in the entire world.

Ever since I left the city you
Got a reputation for yourself now
Everybody knows and I feel left out
Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out

Wait a second. This isn’t just a #sadboi song. This is a “#sadboi has decided he knows what’s best for you” song. This is a “#sadboi who used to sleep with you is now going to tell you how to live your life because the fact that his penis has entered you means he can act like your life coach now” song. Oh boy. Here we go.

Cause ever since I left the city, you
Started wearing less and goin’ out more
Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor
Hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before

What the fuck, man? Is this really what you’re going to be singing about? Really? “Ever since I left you, you’ve been enjoying your life and making new friends – AND THAT’S NOT OKAY.” We all get it – moving on is hard. However, I refuse to accept that you’re going to spend four and a half minutes dancing around in pale, colored lighting while whining about a woman making the most of her life.

You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love

Ugh.

I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing

Ring. The word is ring. C’mon. Don’t do this to us, Drake. You were almost cool.

Ever since I left the city, you, you, you
You and me we just don’t get along
You make me feel like I did you wrong
Going places where you don’t belong

In this next chapter of “Hotline Bling,” Drake hints that he might’ve (i.e. almost definitely) did something to bother his former lover. However, that’s really not important to him, because now she’s going places where he doesn’t want her to go. Yeah, Drake saw you at the goddamn Cinnabon with that guy who’s always been a close friend but Drake’s sure he wants to sleep with you, so YOU BEST NOT BE SPLITTING THAT CUP OF CINNABITES.

Ever since I left the city, you
You got exactly what you asked for
Running out of pages in your passport
Hanging with some girls I’ve never seen before

So not only is Drake going to criticize this woman for now living her life to the fullest, he’s admitting that her desire to broaden her horizons was a point on conflict in their relationship. Drake, you are on the losing end of this. Unless she’s a college student on study abroad posting tone-deaf selfies with locals (in which case, hate away), you should probably just stop this now.

You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing

UNSUBSCRIBE

These days, all I do is
Wonder if you bendin’ over backwards for someone else
Wonder if your rollin’ backwoods for someone else
Doing things I taught you gettin’ nasty for someone else

Aaaaand here it is: The real argument. This isn’t about the traveling or all of those new friends he’s never seen before (Fun Fact: Any time I’m in a relationship, I provide my significant other with a full background check and portfolio of intimate photos of any new friends before taking a picture with them), it’s about whether the woman he left behind might be in proximity of another man’s penis.

You don’t need no one else
You don’t need nobody else, no
Why you never alone

Drake’s instructions for handling your boyfriend/girlfriend moving away:

Step 1: Be sad.

Step 2: Cry.

Step 3: Lock all of your doors and windows.

Step 4: Crawl into your basement.

Step 5: Die alone.

Why you always touching road
Used to always stay at home, be a good girl
You was in the zone
You should just be yourself
Right now, you’re someone else

Listen here, woman. Drake knows you better than you do. You don’t want to enjoy your life, travel, or make new friends. You want to sit around in your pajamas listening to “Best I Ever Had” on repeat until Drake returns to your city for a couple weeks. Then you can sleep with him, but only when he wants to. And you have to be the big spoon. Once he leaves again, you want to be perpetually lonely. Forget the fact that you told him you needed to be more active and social while you were together, Drake knows that wasn’t the “real you.” Drake knows the key to your happiness is desperately pining for him until it literally kills you. This. Is. Love.

You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing

Ever since I left the city

BOOOOOOOOOO. Boo, Drake.