Ray Rice

Roger Goodell is dumb. Do not forget that.

Never Forget That Roger Goodell Is a Dumb Human

September 07, 2016 / by / 3 Comments

It has been a relatively quiet off-season for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, in the sense that this summer he failed to make a public spectacle of his own nincompoopery by, say, convening a kangaroo court to suspend one of the league’s most visible stars for a scientifically implausible equipment modification, or by convening that same kangaroo court to investigate something that’s actually bad but repeatedly tripping over his own dick in the process.


WHERE ARE THE BODIES, BILL? Impatiently Waiting for Bill Simmons’ Oh-So-Necessary ESPN Hatchet Job

May 09, 2015 / by / 2 Comments

ESPN’s head skipper, John Skipper, has unceremoniously fired Bill Simmons – possibly without warning (UPDATE: Definitely without warning). The news has sent shockwaves through the sports journalism community, with countless pieces discussing what triggered the (imminent) firing, where Bill Simmons will go from here, and how John Skipper must surely know he looks like a giant penis.


Why NFL Fans Should Be Excited about the Second Coming of Tebow

March 10, 2015 / by / 3 Comments

Tim Tebow, praise be his name, is (probably) returning to the NFL – and you should be excited about it, Tebowdamnit!

Looking into the major themes, trends, and happenstances of 2014

Eyebrows, Elevators, and Michelle Pfeiffer: 2014 in Pop Culture

December 31, 2014 / by / 131 Comments

You can find all the top 5, 10, 50, 100 lists of 2014 you want for literally everything that can be ranked. But what do pages of unrelated Best Ofs really mean? To get to the heart of what 2014 was truly about, we’ve got to look at the year’s major themes and trends.


7 People We Discovered That We Hate This Summer

September 30, 2014 / by / 9 Comments

Can you feel it in the air? The wind is crisper, the leaves are richer, the Jaguars are 0-4 — it must be autumn. Yes, the Great Summer of 2014 is behind us, and it’s time to stop for a moment and reflect.


5 Sports Movie Pitches Based on the Current State of Football

September 22, 2014 / by / 33 Comments

It is a momentous time in both the NCAA and the NFL. The NCAA is increasingly under pressure to dramatically alter its contractual standing with student-athletes, and the NFL is increasingly under pressure to acknowledge the existence of women as sentient beings.


Proudly Presenting the NFL’s 2014 All-Criminal Teams

September 17, 2014 / by / 1,283 Comments

The NFL has been in the news quite a lot recently. I mean, really a lot.


Don’t Worry, You Can Still Get a Pink “Sweetheart” Ray Rice Jersey

August 03, 2014 / by / 22 Comments

We know what you’ve been worried about the last several days: have all those super cute Ray Rice jerseys — you know, the pink “sweetheart” ones — just flown right off the shelves?