Football

Roger Goodell is dumb. Do not forget that.

Never Forget That Roger Goodell Is a Dumb Human

September 07, 2016 / by / 1 Comment

It has been a relatively quiet off-season for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, in the sense that this summer he failed to make a public spectacle of his own nincompoopery by, say, convening a kangaroo court to suspend one of the league’s most visible stars for a scientifically implausible equipment modification, or by convening that same kangaroo court to investigate something that’s actually bad but repeatedly tripping over his own dick in the process.

READ MORE

25 Fantasy Football Team Names To Use If Your Boss Joins Your Office League

September 07, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Fantasy football is, by nature, a hobby characterized by unrelenting shit-talk and a general welcoming of all things inappropriate.

READ MORE

An Oral History of Trevor Siemian’s College Career

August 30, 2016 / by / 1 Comment

Trevor Siemian shocked the world this week by winning the Denver Broncos’ starting quarterback job.

READ MORE

Von Miller Might Not Know His Teammate’s First Name

August 24, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

In an interview yesterday with ESPN’s Lindsay Czarniak, Von Miller claimed that the Denver Broncos have the “best secondary in the National Football League.” He then listed players in the secondary:

READ MORE

Let us joyfully celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Marco Rubio beaning a toddler in the head with a football

August 18, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

It’s hard to put into words how strange the 2016 election season has been.

READ MORE

QUIZ: Cleveland Browns Starting Quarterback Since 1999, or Signer of the Declaration of Independence?

August 04, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Even the most knowledgeable don’t know the names of every signer of the Declaration of Independence, and even the biggest football fans can’t name every poor bastard who has had to start a game for the Cleveland Browns since 1999. How well will you do?

READ MORE
Taking a deep dive into what will surely be the best 17 weeks of post-Super Bowl 2016.

15 Takeaways from the 2016 NFL Regular Season Schedule

April 15, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Last night, the NFL released the schedule for the 2016 regular season, which somehow managed to make September seem simultaneously closer than ever and infinitely distant.

READ MORE
The daily routines of 8 of the most famous people in football

The Daily Routines of Famous Football Personalities

April 05, 2016 / by , , , , / 0 Comment

Ever wonder what the keys to success are for your favorite athletes? After months of painstaking research, National Ave has uncovered the daily routines of some of the most important personalities in football:

READ MORE
Honoring the new University of Illinois football coach with a look back on his many varied facial expressions

The Many Facial Expressions of Lovie Smith

March 07, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Following the news that the University of Illinois football program had hired Lovie Smith as its upcoming coach to dejectedly stare into the distance on their sideline, we wanted to celebrate the former NFL coach by looking back at his many varied facial expressions.

READ MORE
Hot Takes In Your Area is a series of hot takes that are guaranteed 100% reactionary.

Hot Takes In Your Area: Stop criticizing Peyton Manning for using HGH — you all used it too

February 12, 2016 / by / 1 Comment

NOTE: Hot Takes In Your Area should be considered satire at all points unless you agree with it in which case it’s totally serious.

READ MORE