NFL gifts of shame for that special someone.

The absolute worst NFL gifts money can buy

December 12, 2015 / by / 1 Comment

We’ve carefully scoured the web to find the absolute worst NFL-related gift you can get that special someone, from the guy who recently converted from a Seahawks fan into a diehard Panthers supporter to the loser of your fantasy football league.

Here’s the most dreadful football gifts money can buy on the internet:

Blaine Gabbert Draft Day Bobblehead

Blaine Gabbert bobblehead

The excitement of draft day may be fleeting, but the memory of Gabbert’s glorious tenure under center for the Jacksonville Jaguars can last forever with this pristine Blaine Gabbert bobblehead. Unlike Gabbert, this collectible is unused, undamaged, and guaranteed not to disappoint the Jags fan in your life.

Cleveland Browns Sweatervest

Cleveland Browns sweatervest

Every Cleveland fan deserves a sweatervest that’s just as garish and obscenely orange of a product as the quality of football that the Browns put out on the field.

Sparkly Greg Hardy jersey

NFL gifts of shame for that special someone.

What better way to show you care than with a brand new uniform from our nation’s beloved Dallas Cowboys? Prove that you’ll stick with your friend through thick and thin by proudly giving them Greg Hardy’s sparkly number 76.

Joe Flacco mustache shirt

Joe Flacco moustache t-shirt

Joe Flacco may not be an elite quarterback, and neither is his mustache. This shirt is guaranteed to disappoint at least six or seven Sundays a year, but don’t expect that to stop random people from coming up to you and telling you how great of a shirt it is.

Philadelphia Eagles tree in Neshaminy State Park

Tree in Philadelphia Eagles forest

Each tree in Eagles Forest located in Bensalem, PA’s Neshaminy State Park is planted to offset the team’s greenhouse gas emissions. Watch this gift pay for itself when the tree is later cut down to provide paper to file your Uncle Phil’s aggravated assault and battery injunction papers following his brutal fistfight in the 3A parking lot of Lincoln Financial Field.

Chicago Bears Loofah

Chicago Bears Loofah

Unfortunately not even the best loofah in the world could wash the sensation of the Jay Cutler era off your body.

2004 Joey Harrington autographed “Playoff Prestige” trading card

Joey Harrington Detroit Lions 2004 Playoff Prestige Autographed Card. This Item Comes With A Certificate Of Authenticity From Autograph-Sports. Autographed

Take home your very own piece of history from the Lions vaunted 2004 season, when they went 6-10 and missed the playoffs for the 6th year in a row.

Minnesota Vikings Lingerie

Minnesota Vikings Lingerie

Bring a whole new meaning to the term “Purple People Eater” with this ultra-sexy underwear set. This set pairs great with an orange hunting hat or the crippling social pressure of passive aggressiveness and self deprecation.

Johnny Football flask

Johnny Football Flask

Every time you think to yourself “Johnny Football is why I drink,” just remember that Johnny Football’s uncontrollable chemical dependency on alcohol is why he drinks.

Carolina Panthers Brie Cheeseboard Set

Carolina Panthers Brie Cheeseboard Plate

All diehard Carolina fans know that the biggest pet peeve of tailgating before their beloved Panthers play at home is trying to present the perfect cheese to pair with a nice chilled white wine. Help bring the energy and soft-ripened cow milk flair back to Bank of America Stadium with this beautiful engraved cheeseboard and matching stainless steel utensil set!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Garter

Tampa Bay Buccaneers garter

Just when you thought that your marriage day couldn’t get any more joyous, watch your cousin pull off this sexy garter and fling into a crowd of semi-delirious swamp people.

Fantasy Football Pocket Pussy

Fantasy Football pocket pussy

Finally, a sex toy that’s exactly as advertised.