No Deadspin comment will ever touch this awful, terrible, no good, very bad Chris Henry pickup truck reference

Wrap it up boys: The search for the most savage Deadspin top comment is over

February 11, 2016 / by , / 0 Comment

It is said that when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer. 

Perhaps that feeling of empty accomplishment washed over Deadspin commenter Milo Minderbinder as his fingers tremblingly typed in what would become the greatest feat any Internet troll can aspire to, hitting enter with bated breath on the single most savage Deadspin comment heretofore known to man. In what can only be described as a moment for the ages, Mr. Minderbinder, in only 16 clear and concise words, produced the most amazingly offensive reply in Kinja’s written history:

Deadspin Chris Henry pickup truck Andy Dalton

Some context here, if you will, because what is the world wide web of Internet sports journalism without nuanced situational understanding.

Yesterday, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback and part-time Prince Harry impersonator Andy Dalton was driving down the highway in Dallas (as one does after losing in the playoffs for the fifth year in a row) when he lost two black suitcases after they fell out of the back of his pickup truck, because we all know how hard of a time Dalton has maintaining possession on the road.

Anyways, some good samaritan named Robert found Dalton’s luggage, and returned it to The Red Herring faster than a Pittsburgh Steelers two-minute drill.

But because this story appeared in Deadspin, and because the world is terrible and we can’t have nice things, our brave soul Milo Minderbinder took it upon himself, for the betterment of mankind, to point out that “at least it’s not the worst thing to fall out of a Bengal’s pickup truck.”

Mr. Minderbinder’s witty observation — for those who might understandably have needed to Google “Bengal’s pickup truck” — links Dalton’s harrowing luggage mishap to the tragic death of Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry, who passed away after falling out of the back of a pickup truck.

Is this comment funny? Maybe. Does it make your skin crawl and force you to reexamine all pre-existing notions you might hold about the human experience? Hopefully. This is Deadspin we’re talking about after all.