Goodell Asks Secretary If Gay People Can Get Concussions

February 10, 2014 / by / 21 Comments

NEW YORK — Sources report that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell loudly and unapologetically asked his secretary this morning whether gay people were able to get concussions.

Goodell reportedly walked into his office at approximately 8:45am, opened up his computer, and suddenly looked very puzzled.

“Hey Tricia!” Goodell shouted a few minutes later. “Can the gays get concussed?”

After hearing no response, Goodell persisted.

“Tricia! Hey, Tricia!” Goodell hollered. “The gays! Homosexuals! Do you think they can get concussions, too?”

Paxton was taken off-guard by the question.

“I just yelled back at him to Google it,” said Paxton. “I wanted to be discreet, because the guy who works right next to Roger is openly gay. Roger actually attended his marriage in New Hampshire.”

As of press time, Goodell was Google-searching various combinations of the words “gay,” “head,” and “injury,” reportedly not getting the results for which he had hoped.