My Application To Be Queen Elizabeth’s Royal Tweeter
Queen Elizabeth is looking for a royal tweeter, and I know just the guy:
Name: Tom Meyer
Age: 24 but also I’m a teenager
Nationality: USA, u still salty about that tea thing?
Open Answer Questions
1) Kindly describe your qualifications to be The Royal Tweeter of HRH Queen Elizabeth II of England:
First off, I am a huge fan of the British Monarchy. I think it is straight up bullshit that the Queen is just a figurehead, and I fully favor returning her to her rightful spot as the head of government for the British Empire. I also fully favor returning the British Empire to its full glory, and I would not hesitate to take up arms for either cause. I would assume this is a prerequisite, and I just want to assure you that I am 100% there.
Second of all, my tweets are good. Straight fire content coming out of my fingertips every damn day. They’re relatable, clever, relevant and original every single time. I have a simple test for my tweets: if it keeps it hundo, tweet it; if it doesn’t, save it in drafts and tweet it when you’re drunk. Simple as that.
Finally, I’m a thinkfluencer. I influence think and I don’t care who knows it. Some days I’m just walking down the street and I think to myself “how much think have you influenced today? Could you influence more think?” and usually the answer is that I have influenced as much think as a person could reasonably be expected to. I have a sneaking suspicion that QEII can relate to this.
2) Please explain the strategy and philosophy you would bring to the office of Her Majesty:
Listen, shit’s going viral, ok? We’re going in and we’re going in hard. People aren’t even gonna know hit them. And you can bet your ass they’re gonna forget all about that smirking, perpetually pregnant granddaughter you’ve got.
Please provide at least five (5) sample “Tweets” which could be posted from the official twitter account of Her Majesty The Queen of England:
Oh I got more than 5. (I have 6.)
So that’s pretty much it. If you need any references, me and my fam will be at mimosa brunch, waiting on Her Royal Bae’s DM.