Welcome to Season 1 Episode 1 of my new podcast
Hi. Hello. Shalom, and welcome to the premier episode of Full Metal Podcast. It’s going to be a wild ride through the digitally streaming airwaves, and I’m glad you’re on board.
You may be thinking to yourself, “What is he trying to do here?” Or “Why should I bother listening?” Or maybe even “How did a man who’s clearly unemployed and not even bothering to put on pants in the morning have the capital resources to purchase the requisite audio equipment and software necessary to make this endeavor possible?”
Insightful questions all around, and I’ll be sure to address them in due time as as your dutiful host working tirelessly to help drag the podcasting genre from 2004 and into the splendid world of illuminating infotainment it is today.
Personally, I’m excited to use the freedom of the podcasting medium to bring a high level of discourse and dialogue to a wide array of topics. Each week I will strive to deliver you the best digital nuggets of commentary, news, and anything else I can lift from the A.V. Club. It won’t be easy to fill an hour and a half each week with penetratingly shrewd commentary, but as a 24-year-old with little to my name besides an english degree and a mixing board on the coffee table, I think I’m just the man for the job.
You see, I don’t like to think of myself as your traditional “podcaster.” I prefer the handy neologism “infotainer.” And I can’t wait to use the uncharted medium of podcasting here on Full Metal Podcast to mash up the sex appeal of NPR with insight that bristles like a This American Life listener’s goatee.
Each of Full Metal Podcast’s weekly culturecasts will bring something new: A round up of the best weekly recaps of last week’s The Blacklist. A different understated song from your favorite mid-2000s indie movie as our closing track. My next door neighbor Ken’s fresh take on politics, dissociative poetry, and the triangle offense.
The only thing more extensive than our working knowledge of the extended Marvel universe will be the obscure and long-discarded baseball sabermetrics that we’ll use in a valiant, if pyrrhic, attempt to resuscitate Mike Piazza’s popular perception. Kendrick Lamar’s lyrics will be parsed and re-parsed like you’ve never heard them parsed before, and words like “manichean” or “intersectionality” will be tossed around with less care or concern than amateur Reddit sleuths hold for the Baltimore County legal process.
In fact, I think you, our loyal listener, will be surprised at just how approachable and down-to-earth of a virtual vibe we’ll cultivate as we discuss everything from the cultural morass signified by the ascendancy of Trivia Crack to all the behind-the-scenes details of Mark Wahlberg’s filmography that Hollywood doesn’t want you to know about.
Will there be guest appearances? You can bet Sarah Koenig’s upcoming book deal that Full Metal Podcast will have full bevy of guest appearances. Next week’s episode alone will feature appearances by Podcast at Tiffany’s host Angela Dirtweiler’s countdown of the Top 50 most Tom Haverford moments in Season 5 of Parks and Rec, followed closely by our interview of the audio engineer on Big Head Todd and the Monsters’ 1997 adult contemporary platinum album Sister Sweetly.
So buckle up radio America. Let he who is without insightful radio commentary available for automatic download podcast the first stone.