Cheap-Ass Regional Beers Bracketpalooza: The Round of 16
The people have spoken, or at least drunken.
After 8 dirt-cheap local beers competed in our Cheap-Ass Regional Beers Bracketpalooza drink-in round, only four advanced to the round of 16, earning the right to compete for a slot in our bracket’s semifinal. Here’s how our bracket is looking following the drink-in round:
Now here’s where the fun starts, as we need to eliminate these 16 hard-working American beers down to an elite 8. For those who need to brush up on the rules and contestants first, you can find the original bracket here. And if you want to get right to the voting process for the round of 16, you can do so here.
And now, a recap of the drink-in round, and a breakdown of the second round matchups:
Drink-In Round Result: 4. Genesee defeats 5. Iron City
Alas, the breezy nostalgia of the Northeast defeated the hard-nosed, blue collar grit of Pittsburgh. Here’s what some of you had to say:
“Our local dive bar has a Genesee and a Cream Ale deal for $5. Oh, and their heteronormative ad makes me want to make America great again.”
“I CREAM YOU CREAM WE ALL CREAM FOR GENNY CREAM”
“Not fair to lose one of my two all time favorite beers in the drink-in round. Even though I drank my fair share of Genesee in college (due to having multiple roommates from Buffalo), living in Pittsburgh for a year has given me an attachment to IC that only a Pittsburgher can understand. And as any true Pittsburgher would say, IC > Yuengling.”
“Genesee tastes like vagina backwash”
This was the closest of all the drink-in matchups, and it really is unfair to lose one great beer to another in the first round. But such is life and such is the drink-in round of the Cheap-Ass Regional Beers Bracketpalooza.
Two titans of East Coast cheap beer square off in the East. One stands for America’s enduring spirit, the other for America’s enduring image of itself. And only one can win.
In the lower half of the Eastern bracket, two beers that represent their smaller, more parochial cities are matched up. Narragansett seems to mirror its hometown of Providence and the rest of New England in both spirit and taste, whereas National “Natty Boh” Bohemian remains a beer almost entirely relegated to Baltimore and (to a much lesser extent) its neighboring Washington, D.C.
Vote for your choices HERE.
Drink-In Round Result: 4. Rainier defeats 5. Olympia
In a battle between two beers that are more or less unknown outside of the Pacific Northwest, Rainier edged out Olympia to advance to the Round of 16. Here’s what you said about the two:
“Has anyone actually ever had one of these beers?”
“That capital “R” logo is a staple in Seattle, and a reminder of home for all who reside here. Olympia is good, but Rainier is a symbol of hope for many.”
“Olympia is the only reason I survived college. It single-handedly wrote all of my senior year assignments.”
“I can remember things after drinking Rainier.”
What kind of person are you? A Rocky Mountain man or a Cascades hipster? A blue script lettering kind of drinker vs. one of those red script lettering types. Do you smoke Colorado weed or Washington weed?
These are important questions in determining your identity, and even more important in determining which of these beers you prefer. Tread carefully here.
Midwestern Nice is going to be tested to the max in this matchup between the pride and joy of Minneapolis (Grain Belt) and the watery alcohol-flavored water of St. Paul (Hamm’s).
Vote for your choices HERE.
Drink-In Round Result: 4. Old Milwaukee defeats 5. Blatz
Poor Blatz never even stood a chance. Old Milwaukee wiped the floor with its poorly-named opponent’s swill, largely on the basis of Will Ferrell’s ads and the fact that no self-respecting human should still be drinking Blatz. To be fair, nobody should be drinking Old Milwaukee either unless you’re getting off a graveyard shift in a Wisconsin factory town, but that’s a point for another day.
One’s a crappy Milwaukee beer that’s been taken up by hipsters. The other’s a crappy Milwaukee beer that’s barely surviving off of a nonsensical series of Ferrell ads. PBR might be challenged later in this bracket, but that challenger isn’t likely to be from its home city.
It’s hard to believe that two unbelievably crappy Wisconsin beers can be so different. Schlitz is clearly the beer of midwestern suburban dads hanging out at home watching football, while Point is clearly the beer for suburban midwestern dads out on camping trips before football season starts. Take your pick here, this one’s a toss-up.
Vote for your choices HERE.
Drink-In Round Result: 4. Hudepohl defeats 5. Stroh’s
Another knock-down fight, this time between beers representing the resurgent Midwestern cities of Cincinnati and Detroit, respectively. Although sentimental support was firmly behind Stroh’s, Hudy Who from Cincy advanced to the next round. Here’s what you had to say:
“Harry Caray: Stroh’s spelled backwards is Shorts”
“Detroit needs something to cheer for, so let’s send them to the next round.”
Hudepohl barely survived against Stroh’s — can it repeat against the beer that moved from Latrobe, PA to St. Louis?
The premier matchup of the second round, this features two incredible heavy hitters squaring up against each other. Both have strong regional connections and passionate fans, Lone Star holding down the entire state of Texas versus Old Style’s near-perfect alignment with the spirit of Chicago. This will be a close one.