10 Types of Pictures to Expect from Joe Biden’s Instagram
For those of you haven’t yet heard, Vice President Joe Biden joined Instagram yesterday. This is probably the most exciting news to come out of Washington since RGIII got drafted, but like RGIII, it also comes with a great deal of uncertainty. Here are ten of our best predictions about the type of crazy shit the veep will be posting on his Instagram account.
1. Multiple pictures of Barack Obama getting Iced.
Featuring such captions as “P.O.T.Ice,” “Oval OffICE,” and “Barack Ice-ein Obama,” we will probably be seeing about one or two of these per week. Many of them will occur in the White House, but every once and a while, we’ll get to see an “Ice Force One” pic, or possibly even a “Diplomatic Visit to ICEland” picture. Biden will be asked to stop his Icing craze when he ices Malia Obama before dropping her off at school and hitting on her friends’ moms.
2. Close-ups of documents detailing vital matters of national security, captioned “YOLO!!!” Of course, Biden thinks that YOLO stands for You Only Leak Once, but that won’t stop him from posting more than one picture of top-secret documents. These pictures will get Biden significantly less ass than he had hoped, and will eventually find him embroiled in a high-profile political scandal remembered by history as Inkwellgate.
3. Filtered photos of a table littered with poker chips, cards, and Yuengling empties. Republican pundits will criticize Biden for what they call an “immature” and “irresponsible” Instagram post. He will scoff, pointing out that despite its foreign-sounding name, Yuengling is actually an American beer, making their criticisms invalid.
4. Selfies of Biden sitting in Obama’s Oval Office chair while Barack is away on a foreign tour. Biden will probably post a ton of these, making a different inquisitive and scandalous face each time. Captions: “#HomeAlone ;)” “Daddy’s gone away ;)” and “O-face in the O-ffice ;)”
5. An aggressive number of posts featuring a warm bucket of spit. These will be posted without any caption or context. Most of these will occur between the hours of 11pm and 4:30am EST. We won’t know with any certainty that said spit bucket will be warm, but…we’ll just know.
6. Photographing discarded solo cups strewn about the Naval Observatory. Nothing shouts “President of the Senate” quite like the remains of last night’s Bacardi 151-fueled panty raid on the women’s caucus and the resulting kegger thrown with broad bipartisan support.
7. Biden sipping wine while wearing his University of Delaware sweatpants and watching Gilmore Girls, captioned “SWUG Life.” Okay, so maybe this one’s a stretch. But let’s be honest, if it did happen, would you really be that surprised?
8. Secret pictures of all of the celebrity White House visitors who Biden isn’t allowed to meet. Through these Instagrams, we will learn that Joe Biden actually has an encyclopedic knowledge of celebrity pop culture. When Meryl Streep visits the White House, he’ll snap pictures of her from the nearest supply closet, then defeat the purpose of his secrecy by tagging her on Instagram. (Does Meryl Streep have an Instagram?)
9. The White House dog, Bo, asleep and next to a stained glass bong. Biden’s eventual use of the hashtag #BOnging will make this type of picture a fan favorite and a frequent theme for his posts. Every time he sees Bo sleeping, he will find the nearest stained glass bong (we assume he has quite a few stashed around the White House) and place it next to Bo, giggling gleefully as he snaps the photo.
10. A stern selfie of Biden wearing a red bandana and a denim cut-off with the caption “#GloryDays”. This isn’t even really much of a joke, just more of a legitimate prediction.