7 Reasons Why Los Angeles Is a Shitty Garbage City

May 30, 2015 / by / 23 Comments

Los Angeles is the taint of the United States: It’s hot, it smells funny, and the only people into it are real freaks. Here’s why Los Angeles is a shitty garbage city:

Flaking Is a City Pastime

Do you like keeping plans? Do you want to live in Los Angeles? Well choose one, motherfucker, because you’re never going to get both. People in Los Angeles spend more time finding ways to flake on plans than they do actually doing anything. Whether they’re following Kim Kardashian’s brother’s dog’s cousin’s nanny down La Brea or auditioning for the same improv group seven times in different wigs to prove that they’re “quirky,” true Los Angelenos will find a reason to never keep their plans.

It’s Not Even a Real City

New York has the Five Boroughs. Chicago has a bunch of distinct neighborhoods. Los Angeles has…88 different cities.

Yep, the Los Angeles you picture isn’t actually the city of Los Angeles, but rather Los Angeles County. In fact, many of the places that define “The City of Angels” aren’t even under the jurisdiction of the city. Santa Monica? Its own city. Beverly Hills? Its own city. Even West Hollywood, which is so fucking close to Hollywood (which is within Los Angeles city limits) that its name IS FUCKING DEFINED BY ITS PROXIMITY TO HOLLYWOOD, is its own city.

Further, this geographic clusterfuck guarantees that all of the Los Angeles County residents get royally screwed when dealing with law enforcement or regulations, since nobody knows which city they’re in half the time. It also guarantees all public works programs get shut down like any NBC sitcom, since rampant corruption has all but assured that lawmakers refuse to cooperate with outside municipalities.

Everyone Is an Aspiring Something

Want to hear five minutes of droning bullshit? Ask people in Los Angeles what they do. 99% of people will give you some convoluted answer about their dreams and “works in progress” and “things on the burner.” Guess what they won’t do? Say what they fucking do.

Everybody in Los Angeles wants to be something – it just so happens that they’re never doing that thing. Don’t get me wrong, having goals and dreams is fine – even good sometimes. However, being so attached to those goals and dreams that you’re unwilling to talk about your actual job is probably definitely not a good thing annoying as shit. If someone asked you what you ate yesterday, you’re not going to tell them about the meal you hope to have in a few weeks. The same goes for your job. Either say what you’re doing with your life or admit that you’re doing fucking nothing you stupid aspiring model/actor/singer/fashion mogul/NBA player.

It’s the City That Always Sleeps

Los Angeles is the retirement community of big cities. Everything closes at ten. Even the bars are all closed by two A.M., which every other city in the world calls “the time you actually leave to go out.”

Everybody Brags about the Beach – But Nobody Goes

Ask ten people why they love Los Angeles. Most likely, at least eight of the answers your get will involve the beach. Now, ask those same ten people when they last went to the beach. The answers will fall somewhere between “Well…I’ve just been so busy…” and “I’m really hoping to get around to it this weekend.” For all the dickswinging about the California sun and the beautiful blue Pacific Ocean,1 astoundingly few people spend more than a day a month anywhere near the beach.

LA Identity Is Non-Existent

Here’s a brief list of the types of people you’ll meet in Los Angeles:

  1. Hippie Asshole
  2. Hipster Asshole
  3. Beach Bum Asshole
  4. Beach Bro Asshole
  5. Industry Douche Asshole
  6. Valley Girl Asshole
  7. Advertising Asshole
  8. “Venice is the new Silicon Valley”2 Asshole
  9. Aspiring Actor Asshole

See a trend there? Of course you do; they’re all assholes. But they’re all in Los Angeles, so that doesn’t count. Beyond that though, they have nothing that brings them together.

Even New York, which is full of dicks from all walks of life, has a uniform identity beyond dickishness: A love of New York and a hunger to get shit done. People in Los Angeles hardly even care that they’re in Los Angeles. They just want to find their big break (i.e. Get on Are You the One? Season 3) then parade themselves around like the show dogs they are. Like its government structure, the Los Angeles identity is just a clusterfuck of people forced to live near each other because of their desire to drain the world of its intelligence and resources.

The Actual City Is Fucking Ugly

Search #LosAngeles on Instagram. If you can bare the billions of ridiculous, infuriating selfies, you’ll notice an interesting trend: there are almost no pictures of downtown Los Angeles. Wondering why? Here’s a hint: It’s fucking ugly. Behind all of the beaches (not in Los Angeles), beautiful hikes (outside of Los Angeles), and sideboob pictures (…), Los Angeles is just an ugly, poorly organized city with horrible infrastructure. It looks terrible, it smells like a 24-Hour Fitness after Seniors Zumba, and it wrecks your soul.

If you have reasonable goals in life, cross Los Angeles off your list of possible homes. You won’t regret it – it’s a shitty garbage city.

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  • Leigh Goodwin

    Interesting article. Definitely

    • Daniel H

      only two genders

      • Leigh Goodwin

        Two genders, if you are in denial.. Like believing there is only one GOD or one DEVIL… Terribly misguided.

        • Daniel H

          shut up moron

          • Leigh Goodwin

            Now you starting to sound like a dick riding kracka. Cant hold an intellectual conversation without resorting to disrespect…

          • Daniel H

            At least I’m not a racist f uck like you. I am smarter than you obviously you just cannot stimulate my mind with an argument that is valid because of your low IQ. Therefore it would be a waste of my valuable time to entertain your moronic monkey garbage. Now go suck a d ick, of which is one of the two genders proven by science.

          • Leigh Goodwin

            I’m not a ra cist, I’m a realist, kracka azz kracka- blitch, I call it like I see it, white azz nigga- screwing up families and bank balances- doom is your day… Do your own damn research. I dont do di kks, but you do, don’t you?

          • Daniel H

            ah shut up you nigger bitch. go collect your welfare check and smoke some crack you black cunt

          • Leigh Goodwin

            Yep, proud neggus right down to my black di kk and big ba lls in your fat azz blitchez mouth.

          • Daniel H

            shouldn’t be proud of being an inferior race of monkeys that have accompished nothing but raping and robbing and killing each other loool

          • Leigh Goodwin

            You are a papiloma virus and just like a cockroach that doesn’t go away unless stepped on. An albino cockroach. I keep trying to offer the benefit of the doubt but whi te trash like yourself continues to prove how ig nor ant white fol ks are. You are mistaken, again. It is whit e people that have stolen everything you have, either outright or by dividing and conquering other groups using manipulation. You should research better. Blacks have many accomplishments, learn to read and study. Stop smelling up the neighborhood. And spreading wart s.

          • Daniel H

            there are no succesful black countries, they are inferior apes to the caucasian race. We are kings of the earth and other races know it deep down. They realise their masters.

          • Leigh Goodwin

            You are not the kings because you cannot produce other races or turn other people White. But, other races can blot you out of existance by mixing races. A true King has all power. One day soon you will look up and there will be fewer and fewer of you. It seems like you should use whatever miniscule brains you have left to get your race off of heroin and solve your extinction problems. Or maybe you should do more heroin and do everybody a favor.

          • Daniel H

            Only problem is white people don’t like fucking ugly blacks. Only the mentally retarded whites and the losers go for blacks and we don’t need them. 99% of whites stay with whites because we are the supreme race. We will never dissappear because we are the most powerful beings to ever exist. All we would have to do is make being black ilegal and we can kill you all off easily one by one we cna end your race in a single night and the world would be so much better. Pathetic black niggers will fall because they are lesser beings everyone knows this, their days are numbered and I will eb the first to hold a gun to you fucking bitches head and rape your women before I kill them infront of you while laughing at your races destruction. 😉

          • Leigh Goodwin

            I think your comment got deleted because it sounded like a threat about guns and ra ping black women U brainless, spinelless. mothball smelling lo ser. Again, a real King would not need a gun and certainly would not need to harm women. Only a bli tch would need a gun. Now, there are plenty of decent looking white women that prefer the bigg blakk dikk because used properly it gives the ultimate pleasure. I would bet you have never even made a woman have an orgasm and scream out in pleasure because either you don’t have a pen is or it is small and doesn’t get hard. Which is it? Now, if all blakk guys wanted to risk getting warts by cu mming in every white woman they see your race would disappear in less than a decade or between 3 & 25 years if you throw in heroin and other tricks, no violence needed. I don’t believe you could wipe out blakks overnight because you have too many enemies and u are not as smart as you think u r. I know u are not that bright because u communicate in absolutes and tell people what u are going to do. Not all black people are the same just like there might be 1 or 2 white people with no warts. Never tell the enemy all your plans dum my. What will u do when you run out of ammunition? Also, not as many people r interested in whites as u think.

  • The Truth Hurts

    yeah L.A. is like a big street gang. you gotta get jumped into it first for the first 5 years to see if you’re worthy. Of course you can always move back to Arizona and be a little bitch or the Bay Area.

    • Leigh Goodwin

      LA is a got d a m n filthy azz earthquake ready cesspool just like the smart article writer said.

      • The Truth Hurts

        watching too much TV got you in your feelings I see.

        • Leigh Goodwin

          Uneducated Dummy. You sound like a walking cliche.