27 Reasons Why You Want a Job
Whether you’re new to the job market or an employment veteran, looking for a new job can be a daunting process. Our various motivations, however, can help make the process a worthwhile one. Here are the 27 most popular reasons why people are looking for jobs right now:
27. Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend finally changed the password on the HBOGo account.
26. Tired of parents being proud of you for just being yourself.
25. Need something to complain about other than the weather.
24. No longer want to be the poster child for your far-right neighbors’ factually-incorrect complaints about immigrants.
23. Spent the last 37 days in your underwear watching NCIS re-runs while eating Captain Crunch, and you need a reason to continue living.
22. Don’t possess the social skills or physique to impress a potential love-interest on personal value alone.
21. Want to buy a fast car that goes “vroom vroom.”
20. Parents’ basement flooded and the upstairs bedroom has uncomfortably thin walls.
19. Sick of not being able to look down on people who don’t have jobs.
18. Licked the inside of a piano for $15 for the third and final time.
17. Society, man. They just won’t let you live your life without being part of their “system.”
16. Roommate’s girlfriend finally dumped him and “I had to stay late at work” is the only feasible excuse for being gone during his emotional torment.
15. You’re a hardworking American who works hard for everything he has like the Founders intended and also your family just cut off your trust fund.
14. Siblings are employed and you can’t stand to see them more successful than you.
13. Trader Joe’s just raised the price on gingersnaps to four dollars. FOUR DOLLARS!!!
12. Want a reason to buy LinkedIn Premium.
11. Starring in a romantic comedy and making a big romantic gesture just won’t have the same impact if you’re not skipping out on work in the middle of the day to do it.
9. Happily employed and sick of things constantly going your way.
8. Always dreamed of being fired for having an inappropriate workplace romance.
7. Desperately miss the smell of copy paper and regret in the morning.
6. Been dying to work the phrase “climbing the corporate ladder” into party conversation.
5. Hoping to do your part in making the President’s labor statistics look better.
4. Happy hour is a lot sadder when you get there three hours early.
3. Need an excuse for why you don’t take the time to take care of yourself.
2. Turns out the listicle business isn’t as lucrative as you first thought.
1. I’m poor. I fucking said it, okay? Now please give me a job. Somebody. Anybody.