Hot Takes In Your Area: The People vs. O.J. proves he didn’t do it
NOTE: Hot Takes In Your Area should be considered satire at all points unless you agree with it in which case it’s totally serious.
People, we are living in the golden age of television. I know I’m going out on a limb a bit here but I truly believe it. You don’t have to look any further than FX’s new dramedy The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story to prove it.
But TPvOJS:ACS proves something else too: it proves that O.J. didn’t do it.
Think about it, people! This show is trying to wring every last drop of drama juice (get it?) out of a fairly boring story. They even said ‘motherfucker’ in one episode which I don’t think you should be able to say on TV cause of morals and children but that’s an argument for another day. The key point here is that these writers clearly got stuck with a lame legal drama that no one cares about and they’re doing whatever they can to juice (get it?) it up. I mean, heck they got Ross to pretend to be Kylie’s sister’s dad just to see if people would freak out– and guess what, it didn’t work!
But you know what would work? Murder. People love murder. We just love it. No one knows why. Psychologists always ask their patients “why do you love murder” but no one ever has a good explanation. It’s just the way things are.
So if you’ve got a boring topic and one really juicey (get it?) element, you’d expect them to show the one interesting thing right away! But on the show, they never show O.J. actually killing anyone. That’s right, you never see it happen.
Let’s think critically here, ok? This whole thing is about whether he did it or not, and we’ve got a show documenting everything that happened. So if he did it, wouldn’t you expect them to show that? And yet they don’t. The evidence here is overwhelming.
And really, how do we know these people didn’t just die of natural causes? That would actually make sense, given how this show likes to depict boring stuff. Honestly people, they probably just created this whole little murder angle cause they couldn’t get any studio to pick up a story about two boring deaths and a car ride.
So there you have it– People vs. OJ proves that he’s innocent. And if you still disagree just ask yourself one question: If he did it, why wouldn’t they show it? Case. Closed.