Are You The One Season 2 Episode 4 Recap

October 30, 2014 / by / 2 Comments

Whoa guys.

I’ll admit that I’ve spent the past few episodes wondering if AYTO could recapture the magic that made the first season so great. I was skeptical. I didn’t like the cast as much, and it just felt like the stakes weren’t as high. But after episode four I am a believer. AYTO’s formula is solid even when repeated, and I couldn’t be happier.

After getting three lights last week the cast is a little down. It’s their third match up ceremony, so three lights technically puts them on track – except none of the lights have names attached to them. There’s a sense of inertia throughout the house and it’s beginning to affect the morale of the participants. These people need a match soon, or they’ll – well I guess they’ll probably just cry a lot. Which is gonna happen anyway.

John & Christina are building their connection after their successful date last week. I don’t really see the two of them together, but John is nice enough that I imagine most girls are willing to consider him as a match. Meanwhile Brandon continues to pursue her in the most unsettling way possible. This week he cornered her near a bathroom, told her he’s “crazy about [her],” which, while factually accurate, is still weird to say, and then said that he has a pillow that smells like her, and he “smells it when [he] wants to.”

Meanwhile Layton finally gives into Jessica’s feminine wiles, stating that he “needs a release.” Jessica is only happy to oblige, and reveals the completely non-shocking attitude that “my man is my life, I’m here to give him everything he needs,” shortly before she blows him on television. This is the second obvious, below-the-sheets blowjob in AYTO’s history. Future contestants take note: the sheets do not hide as much as you think.

Meanwhile we finally get some screen time for Garland, whose made the decision to chat up Jasmine. It’s a pretty sensible conversation about their past relationships, where Jasmine reveals that she always ends up in friends-with-benefits situations and that Garland ended his last relationship by cheating on his girlfriend. Perhaps not the sexiest thing to tell a girl, but at least he’s being honest. I really haven’t seen enough of Garland to know whether he’s a jerk or not, but I hope he isn’t. I really like it when they call him G-Man. I don’t want that to be tainted.

Slip it in pyrmaidThen it’s time for this week’s getaway challenge, which was great. First off, lets talk about the name: “Slip it in.” Vulgar, only vaguely topical, and delivered with chilling precision by MTV’s lord of darkness, Ryan Devlin. It checks off all the criteria for a great AYTO challenge name and I salute the intern who came up with it and subsequently failed to secure a full-time job. Oh, and as a side note, Ryan Devlin uses the phrase “sexual conquistadors” when describing the challenge.

The challenge itself is for the ladies, and finally gives them a chance to embarrass the men. Each girl has her own slipping-slide that’s been placed on a hill. At the bottom of the slide are 10 blocks, each one bearing the picture of one of the men in the house. At the top of the slipping-slide is a board with slots in it that accommodate the blocks. Each slot is next to a number – ranging from 9 to “too many to count” – these numbers correspond to the number of women these men claimed to have slept with. Hilarity ensues. Below is the number of women each male cast member claims to have slept with.

Layton – 9 (“If you’re nine you’re a bitch,” so sayeth Alex while high-fiving the other men.)

Pratt – 12

Curtis – 18

Dario – 20

Alex – 45 (Ryan Devlin, who I really cannot emphasize this enough, is killing it this episode, takes the opportunity to chime in, “That is a high number in my world, guys.” And what world would that be Mr. Devlin? The UNDERWORLD?!)

John – 50

Brandon – 60

Anthony – 65

Garland – 100 (Garland misinterprets the reactions of the women, seems to think that they want him to have slept with more women, and then says that it’s “way more than 100” and that “he was the man in high-school.” Goddammit G-Man.)

Nathan – Too many to count (Nathan claims that he can’t count past ten, which I frankly don’t doubt. The excuse is irrelevant though because I’m sort of doubtful that Nathan has ever seen a naked woman before.)

The three winners are Paris, Jessica, and Jasmine. Ryan Devlin allows them to choose a man to bring on the date, and makes the “recommendation that you bring some protection.” Paris chooses Pratt, Jessica chooses Layton, and Jasmine chooses G-Man, it’s par for the course. They’re going jet-boarding which is even cooler than it sounds.

It’s not quite time for the date though. First they have to have their lingerie party. The basic idea is that the girls will get dangerously close to naked and then they’ll do what they do every night. Pratt calls it “Christmas 2.0.” Somewhere in heaven Christ shivers.

It was exactly as sloppy as this picture would lead you to believe.

It was exactly as sloppy as this picture would lead you to believe.

It doesn’t take long for Paris to get obliterated and begin to dance with John. This enrages Pratt, causing him to storm off and drown his sorrows in a pitcher of #prattjuice. Meanwhile, Paris is tryna and searches the house for Pratt, but is unable to find him and eventually goes back to John. To John’s credit he rejects her first few attempts, but the flesh is weak and he eventually gives into temptation. The two end up sandwiched against a wall tongue-wrestling. Paris abruptly stops, says “Pratt’s gonna lose his shit,” and runs off. It all feels very calculated, but maybe Paris is really just that crazy and drunk.

Paris’s tearful, slurred confession only serves to piss Pratt off. The rest of the house doesn’t help, as their primary contribution is to look on and laugh. Pratt summarizes it best: “fucking god.”

Eventually Pratt breaks through his misery long enough to go confront John. There’s a lot of shouting, but Pratt hears John’s side of the story and pretty quickly forgives him. However, he announces that he’s “back on the market” and that he doesn’t want to be Paris’ match because he doesn’t want to a spend a month in the honeymoon suite with “a girl who might be making out with the bellboy.”

Then it’s right on to ANOTHER confrontation between Pratt and Paris. She drunkenly declares herself a piece of shit and says, “I’ve admitted I’m a liar! I’ve admitted I’m conniving! I have problems!” Pratt, taking the stance of “fuck love it doesn’t exist,” walks away and declares that they’re not a match.

If Pratt releases an album I hope this is the cover.

If Pratt releases an album I hope this is the cover.

The next morning the house is dealing with 21 hangovers that would kill most mortals, but Paris is feeling terrible for screwing things up with Pratt. In a surprisingly emotional confessional that moved even my heart of stone, she tells us that she doesn’t want to be this person anymore, and delivers the obvious yet profound statement “this house changes people y’know? And I hope it can change me.”

The date features awesome water-jet-boots, which is pretty cool, but much more importantly it gives Pratt and Paris a chance to makeup. Jasmine prods Pratt into talking to Paris and after she tearfully admits that she would do anything to take it back, Pratt agrees to try and get over it. Yay! Just in time for the truth-booth.

And I mean, there’s no suspense about who is going into the truth-booth this week. The house universally votes Paris and Pratt in and GETS ITS FIRST MATCH. WOOO! Now just imagine how happy they would have been if they’d sent them in the first week. Their conspiracy to avoid the truth booth will haunt them forever. It’s a great moment. Everyone is super excited, and Pratt realizes how much he loves Paris when he sees that they’re a perfect match.

Of course, since they’re a match that means there’s a possibility that Christina is going home. Fortunately for her, she wasn’t with Pratt so she gets to continue on in the game. It’s a happy ending for everyone.

Oh hellz yes perfect match omg yesThe house understandably indulges in drunken revelry upon discovering that they’ve finally made SOME progress, and Christina and Brandon end up drunkenly “getting fucking close” in the Boom-Boom Room. Paris promptly interrupts and drags her out, but the damage is already done. John’s feelings are hurt and he understandably doesn’t want to talk to Christina about it literally 30 seconds later. Christina is furious but no one really cares.

Anthony meanwhile expresses some genuine feelings for Jenni! I’ll let the quote speak for itself: “I could see myself being with her even if we’re not a match. Which is crazy of me to even say – Jesus fucking Christ- I’m ending on that. I’m ending on that.”

Then it’s on to the matchup ceremony! And boy did we have a doozy this week. Everyone is feeling optimistic now that they’ve found their first perfect match. They’re ready to get some lights. Here’s how they ended up matching:

Paris & Pratt

Ellie & Brandon (taking the bullet. You’re a saint Ellie.)

Jenni & Anthony

Brianna & Curtis

I didn't know where to fit. It's Brandon performing his patented foreplay move, "The Shroud."

Brandon, performing his patented foreplay move, “The Shroud.”

Tyler & Alex

Shelby & Dario

Alex & Nate

Ashley & John & Christina (John ditches Ashley and goes with Christina)

Jasmine & Garland

Jessica & Layton

But now it’s time for the shocker. Can you guess how many perfect matches they got? Zero. None other than Pratt and Paris. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE MATCHUPS IS WRONG. They should be rejoicing, as this is really the ideal truth booth, but things are obviously emotional so it really just leads to a barrage of tears and lamentation. We learned so much this episode, and I can’t wait to watch them trying to pick up the pieces next week.

I love you season two. I never should have doubted you.