The Ultimate 2015 Golden Globes Drinking Game

January 11, 2015 / by / 1 Comment

Hollywood’s premier luxury drinking event is tonight! And while your schlubby self won’t be on the Red Carpet, that doesn’t mean you should miss out on the chance to get wasted while a bunch of beautiful people win trophies worth more than your car.

Here is The Official Drinking Game of the 2015 Golden Globes! Sure to get you drunk or your money back!

Take a sip of your drink any time…

  • Anyone mentions how long it took to make Boyhood1
  • Jennifer Lawrence does something totally quirky that definitely wasn’t planned weeks before the show
  • The broadcast tells you to tweet using some horrible promotional hashtag
  • You’re jealous of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s friendship
  • Any presenter praises the “transformation” an actor went through for a role
  • Someone makes a joke about George Clooney being married
  • Anyone in the audience is obviously drunk2
  • A group of nominees or presenters perform a “bit” 3
  • Anyone makes a joke about Amazon making television
  • You realize that network television is slowly dying
  • Amy Poehler or Tina Fey mention how “ugly” television stars look compared to movie stars (then chug your drink until you forget about how much better everyone in that room looks than all other human beings)

Take a shot every time…

  • A celebrity is shown using a vape or e-cigarette
  • A presenter fucks up David Oyelowo’s name
  • Michael Keaton’s life is compared to his character in Birdman
  • You hear the word “McConaissance”
  • Someone asks if you’d be willing to sleep with Meryl Streep or Clint Eastwood
  • Take another shot if you lie and say you wouldn’t
  • You wish you could grow a mustache like Ralph Fiennes in The Grand Budapest Hotel 4
Just look at that incredible bastard.

Just look at that incredible bastard.

Finish your drink whenever…

  • Any presenter or announcer says “Alright, alright, alright.”
  • Nipple. Any nipple. Male nipple, female nipple, dog nipple. You see a nipple, you finish your drink.5
  • A cast member from Birdman or Alejandro González Iñárritu openly “caws” onstage
  • You realize that Breaking Bad won all the awards last year and oh my god there’s no more new Breaking Bad ever why am I even alive?
  • Bill Murray stabs an actor in a surprisingly quirky way then slips away into the night

Do a keg stand for however long…

  • Ryan Seacrest’s wretched little elvish face is on the screen. No person needs to suffer through that.