If Every Major “Game of Thrones” Character Was An NFL Player: The Stars
Violence. Intrigue. Morally questionable leadership. A male-dominated world where life comes cheap and delusions of grandeur blind all involved to the rotting aspects that are festering away within the game. The similarities between the NFL and Game of Thrones are endless, so here’s part 2 in our list of what NFL player just about every character in the series most resembles:
Johnny Manziel as Tyrion Lannister
Hard partying midgets who get no respect despite their many talents.
Bill Belichick as Tywin Lannister
Brilliant, soulless men who pass on their legacies through those they influence.
Jamaal Charles as Margaery Tyrell
Intoxicatingly tempting, whether for your fantasy league or adolescent kingly fantasies. But it’s unclear if either will be able to live up to their full potential.
Jay Cutler as Joffrey Baratheon
Whiny little bitches who pretty much everyone hates because they isolate those who are supposed to love them, including their own people.
Eli Manning as Cersei Lannister
Both have a noble lineage, get plenty of brushes with greatness, and were even at the top of the game for a brief period. They’ve both been annoyingly hanging around for forever, royally fucking things up for arguably better dynasties like the Tyrells or the Patriots, but you can feel that their time is starting to pass.
Tom Brady as Jaime Lannister
Hotshot douchebags who always seem to walk the line between classy and loathsome.
Jameis Winston as Robert Baratheon
Pete Carroll as Melisandre
Powerful magicians, but nobody seems to know where they get the source of their magic from. Definitely both 9/11 truthers.
Lovie Smith as Ser Davos Seaworth
Good guys who end up getting duped into serving some downright shitty people.
Chip Kelly as Stannis Baratheon
Both have the talent and desire to be great, but they’re too close-minded and particular about the manner in which they would rule. It often feels like their own sense of grandeur doesn’t align with what either man has actually done.
Arian Foster as Brienne of Tarth
Absolute work horses who could do amazing things if they weren’t being asked to do so goddamn much.
Adam Schefter as Varys the Spider
“Master of Whispers.”
Matthew Stafford as Daenerys Targaryen
They’re putting up some gaudy numbers, but it’s unclear whether they’ll actually be able to win in the end.
Greg Jennings as Jorah Mormont
Put the team on their backs, but both ultimately got the boot, and haven’t really gotten their shit together since then.
Andy Dalton as Sansa Stark
Naive, red-head pawns in other people’s games, trapped in situations that are becoming mutually problematic.
Russell Wilson as Arya Stark
Fierce and plucky, despite their lack of size and experience. Both are constantly exceeding expectations and earning your love. Neither lacks in self-confidence, but they always feel like they have to prove themselves against doubters.
Marvin Lewis as Samwell Tarly
Occassionally relevant from time to time, but you’re mostly just wondering how the hell they’ve survived in the game this long. It’s just a matter of waiting for incompetence to get the better of them.
Trent Richardson as Theon Greyjoy
Born of high status, but both ended up getting abandoned because they were shitty. Repeat after me: “Reek, I told you specifically not to fumble all the time.”
Aaron Rodgers as Jon Snow
Telegenic men toiling in the frozen north. Why does everybody love them so goddamn much?
Roger Goodell as Petyr Baelish
Evil, scheming pieces of shit ruled by self-interest and disregard for the moral implications of their actions. Both men got to where they are through sheer sycophantism, capacity for spewing bullshit, and placating the powerful by instantly making money appear. The only big difference between the two is that Petyr Baelish actually seems adept at maintaining a web of lies, and less content to just sit back and watch grown men kill each other.