Are You The One Season 2 Episode 6 Recap

November 13, 2014 / by / 29 Comments

End of week five and the house has never gotten more than 4/10 perfect matches, and with 3/10 matches at the end of last week they’re going nowhere fast. With the help of a zero match ceremony the house has ruled a lot of matches out — but their instincts don’t seem to be helping them very much. It would be a great time to sit back and have a rational discussion about how to reallocate matches throughout the house. Instead, their post-matchup conversation is immediately hijacked by Jessica talking about how Jenni “doesn’t know who she is,” and how she “isn’t a match with Layton.” Layton isn’t your match Jessica, get the fuck over it.

Meanwhile, poor Brianna is crying out on the porch. She’s having a tough time (obviously) but hasn’t given up hope: “It sucks that Curtis isn’t my match but there still is someone here for me.” Her heart doesn’t really seem to be into the search, but at least she seems determined to try. Still, it’s crunch time, and if the group is hoping to win it would be great for Brianna to really get her head in the game.

"What a good looking firing squad." -Ryan Devlin, Host/Suck up

“What a good looking firing squad.” -Ryan Devlin, Host/Suck up

Then it’s time for this week’s getaway challenge, called “Long Arm of the Inlaws.” True to its name the challenge utilizes a member of each girls family – whether that be a mother, father, grandmother, or step dad. The relatives are arranged behind a long table opposite a single chair, the boys take turns sitting in the chair and getting grilled by the parents. Once the parents are done asking questions the boy has 60 seconds to run outside and match each relative to a girl. Whoever correctly identifies the most pairings wins a getaway date, in the event of a tie the person with the fastest time wins. Meanwhile the girls just get to sit upstairs and watch the carnage unfold.

The boys are understandably a little nervous, with Anthony voicing his concerns most directly: “I’m fucked. I’m so screwed.”

We only get a glimpse of the interviews, but the slivers we see are pretty entertaining. The boys send John down first for reasons that are obvious (law school), but even he makes a gaffe when Tyler’s mother asks him, “are you here for love or money,” and John answers, “I’m here for money.” We also see Dario admit to cheating on an ex-girlfriend, Alex admit to watching internet porn, and a slew of boys admitting that they’ve been to the boom-boom room.

At the end of the challenge the girls are finally allowed to see their relatives. Anthony takes advantage of the chaos to voice his opinion that Bri’s mom is “smoking” and “so fine,” but unfortunately for us viewers she doesn’t seem to hear. The winners of the challenge are revealed to be John with 7/10 matches, and both Dario and Alex with 6/10 episodes. John picks Jasmine to accompany him on his date, Dario picks Brianna, and Alex picks Alex K.

But don’t worry guys! The parents aren’t leaving yet! They’re going to stick around at least long enough to get drunk and watch the house fall apart. Things start off at a pretty brisk clip when we watch Christina’s stepdad (who looks exactly like what you’d expect) shotgun a beer with half of the cast. Then the parents spread out and try to dispense wisdom to their offspring.

Its not relevant, but I felt this had to be included.

It’s not relevant, but I felt this had to be included.

Or at least some of them do. Jessica brings her mom with her to talk to Layton even though they aren’t a match. I don’t know what she’s looking for here. I’d say it’s closure except Jessica would clearly rather die than actually separate herself from Layton. The whole thing seems horribly uncomfortable to her mother, who doesn’t seem like shes particularly confident in her daughters ability to form romantic relationships.

Meanwhile Jenni and her mom are talking to Anthony, another instance of the girls focusing their parents attention on their confirmed no-matches. Still, its a little less annoying when Jenni does it simply because I hate her so much less than I hate Jessica. They don’t really say anything of interest but everyone seems to get along.

The most glorious parental interaction comes from Christina’s stepdad, who serves as the voice of viewers everywhere when talking to Christina and Brandon. Our 11th girl is trying to explain that Brandon is her best friend and he responds by saying, “then let him be your best friend. He’s not your perfect match.” When she counters with a “we’re trying” he hits her back with “it doesn’t seem like you’re trying very hard” (too easy Christina.) Finally, she tries to close the conversation out with some dignity with the nebulous remark, “it’s complicated,” but he’s not letting her get away with that shit. Without missing a beat he says, “But here’s whats not complicated, you guys aren’t a match, right?” The combined weight of stepdad logic is finally enough to convince Christina that maybe she needs to pull her head out of her ass so she doesn’t go home with nothing. Bravo.

And then all hell begins to break loose. Jenni asks Jessica if she can “steal Layton for a second” in order to introduce him to her Mom, and Jessica responds by stewing in her own hatred and muttering something about Jenni being a hoe-bag. Luckily for her Layton begins driving Jenni away almost immediately by making the conversation immediately about how much better he is than Anthony because Anthony has hooked up with too many girls. The real takeaway is that Layton calls himself the best man in the house, and says that Anthony is the worst.

Edvard Munch's inspiration

Edvard Munch’s inspiration

Alex ferries this information to Anthony, who is understandably pissed off about Layton shit-talking him to the mother of a girl that he had/has feelings for. And I gotta hand it to Anthony, he really handles thing pretty well. He confronts Layton but he doesn’t lost his temper, and he responds to all of Layton’s attacks logically.

Layton does not do quite as well. He makes a twisted argument that basically boils down to “I’m angry because you’ve slept with more girls than me,” and by the time that Anthony calls him a hypocrite Layton’s two remaining brain cells are overworked, and seem to give up entirely. He lapses into a strategy of argumentation that is two parts volume, one part bulging veins, and zero parts anything else. Everybody is pretty freaked out, and turns against Layton immediately. When everyone in the AYTO the house looks at you like you’re crazy, then you’ve done something truly crazy.

Ellie is all about supporting “her man” and calms Anthony down as he bitches about Layton. The situation eventually turns into Ellie being upset about how Anthony doesn’t take her seriously, and Anthony telling her to pick him for the next match up ceremony. Awwww.

Meanwhile the Jessica/Jenni/Layton/Anthony conflict continues to brew. There’s no new developments or anything remotely interesting, Jessica is just being a huge bitch. Jessica’s motives are transparent and the entire house rallies around Jenni, with Bri reminding her “not to listen to that SHIT.”

I don’t want to talk about Jessica “Hoe-bag” McBitch anymore so let’s move on to the get away date — a scenic stroll around the Puerto Rican city of San Juan. Through the date John and Jasmine seem to have the strongest connection. They’re both career oriented, want a family later in life, and just generally seem to get along. Jasmine is particularly confident that they might be a match, saying, “he’s what I asked for.”

Meanwhile Alex and Alex K have just about the most boring conversation ever. Basically, they both say that they like being in love, and that it feels nice, but that not being in love doesn’t feel very nice. Wow. Groundbreaking stuff.

Dario and Bri are getting along pretty well, although Bri pretty clearly doesn’t want a romantic connection apart from Curtis. They both end up agreeing that they’re probably a match, but there’s no romantic spark. I get the feeling that Dario is hoping that given a little time Bri might grow more open to him — I sure hope so. If Curtis could be happy with Shelby and Brianna could be happy with Dario then some of the best people on the show could finally be happy.

This week, Ellie found herself on the wrong side of history

This week, Ellie found herself on the wrong side of history

When they return to the house Ryan Devlin forces them to relive the fight between Jenni and Jessica, leading Ellie to ignorantly proclaim her support of Jessica as the entire house looks at her, tells her she’s wrong, and laughs. It’s eventually revealed that John & Jasmine are going to the truthbooth, but unfortunately for them they are not a match. So much for shared career aspirations. (Although I will say that being a lawyer seems a little different than being a dental hygienist. If your dream career is the single most popular profession among Bachelor contestants, you might not be aiming high enough.)

Not much happens between the truth booth and match up ceremony. Christina tries to “move on” and tells Nathan that she’s going to pick him in the next match up. He’s really nice about the whole thing but we know that there’s a creepy, possessive fuck lurking under the surface. It rears its ugly head in the match up ceremony.

The ceremony is girls’ choice, and sees the return of Curtis & Shelby and Pratt & Paris. Curtis gets grilled by Ryan Devlin and says that he “left his heart in the house,” causing Bri to swoon all over again. Then it’s on to the picks!

Match Up Ceremony

Ashley & Brandon

Jasmine & Nathan

Brianna & Dario

Ellie & Anthony (Ellie: “I’m super, super confident that we’re gonna get all ten beams. I know who my match is.”)

Tyler & Garland

Alex K. & John

Jenni & Layton (Although at this point I pity whoever Layton’s perfect match is.)

Jessica & Alex

Christina attaches herself to Nate and Jasmine, but he elects to stay with Jasmine. Not because he likes Jasmine better, but because “Christina needs to learn I’m not gonna listen to her and Brandon’s shit.” There’s the creep we’ve been waiting for! Fuck you Nate.

Ultimately the house gets…. zero out of ten matches! Again! Nice work guys! It does a good job of elimating options but this late in the game its a little disheartening that they’re still so far away from actually figuring anything out. Ryan Devlin gives a little speech where he makes them feel bad about their lack of progress and then sends them back into the house, where they will presumably be back at each others throats within minutes.

I’m really not sure if they’re going to win the money this season.