The Top 10 Least Appropriate Places to Play Pokemon Go
Pokemon Go is captivating phones throughout the nation, and has magically become the only app that has made people swipe more aggressively than Tinder. 90’s Kids have gone crazy in their nostalgic efforts to catch as many Pokemon as possible in Nintendo’s most popular move since subjugating Italians to weird plumber stereotypes, and even grandparents are getting in on the action.
However, everything comes at a cost. For Pokemon players, that cost is losing a sense of “Now” and playing the game at incredibly inappropriate places. We’ve compiled a list of the top 10 most inappropriate places to Catch Em All.
10. A funeral
The only exception to this is if you’re trying to capture a super rare Charizard. Screaming “I got him” during a eulogy will probably get you arrested.
9. Church Confession
Forgive me Father for this sweet Mewtwo I am about to receive. Also, Catholics have this weird thing where anything can be portrayed as Satanic and the last thing you want is Rick Santorum leading a group prayer for you and your Pokedex.
8. The Holocaust Museum
This is definitely the #1 place that you should not pretend to be “Ash.” Please stop.
7. AA Meeting
Trying to catch ‘em all is what brought them here in the first place. You don’t want to be in a place where you can’t take shots to celebrate the evolution of your Squirtle.
6. Thai Massage Parlor
This is where you celebrate the evolution of your other Squirtle. Nobody’s heard of a Rub, Tug and Shoot since Saigon fell.
5. Prison Cell
You turn around to catch a Bulbasaur and all of a sudden somebody’s got their Onyx on you while you call them “Machamp.”
4. Underground Vietnamese Knife Fight
The last Americans who wandered into ‘Nam hoping to battle didn’t have a great experience. In a country where at least 10 people need to be on a motorcycle for the vehicle to be declared “unsafe,” you bet your ass a knife fighter plays for keeps. One false step here and you’ll be Ho Chi Minced Meat.
3. Restroom of opposite gender
You have to be careful with this one, especially if you live in a state that votes Republican. If you are, however, living somewhere more tolerant then feel free to self-identify as “gonna catch this fuckin Raichu right about now.”
2. Abortion Clinic
Contrary to popular belief, Roe v. Wade was not actually the first Pokemon battle. Make sure you carry your Pokemon to their full term. Avoiding these clinics shouldn’t be difficult if you live in the South or inner cities where access has already been majorly restricted.
1. ISIS Territory
Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi has already unlocked the 1000 Beheadings badge, and he’s got the 5X Clean Chop Multiplier. Is that something you really want to be messing with?