What Zayn Malik's sexy smash hit can teach us about defeating the existential threat of ISIS

How Zayn’s “Pillowtalk” gave us a strategy to defeat ISIS

March 11, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Zayn Malik’s sexy smash “Pillowtalk” is already one of the biggest hits of 2016. But what you may not know is that the single not only is a commercial success and dirty redirection of the singer’s style, but also lays out a cogent blueprint for defeating one of the international community’s most dangerous and existential threats:

Climb on board
We’ll go slow and high tempo
Light and dark
Hold me hard and mellow

Right off the bat, Zayn knows that war is dynamic. You’re not going to go on the offensive every single battle, but if you climb on board with the plan you’ll be ready for both the gore of a Saving Private Ryan-type battle or something much slower and intimate. In fact, one can describe a slow war like the narrow hips of a man’s body and how you’ll want to hold him hard and mellow. Strange things happen when you’ve spent 2 years in the trenches of Iraq without a woman’s touch. Wow, war’s kind of gay.

I’m seeing the pain
Seeing the pleasure

We often lack perspective in war, and that can seem like a very black and white us v. them approach. *Side Note – the Civil War was actually kind of black and white*

However, Zayn realizes that the underlying reasons behind war are complex. How can these nice villagers support ISIS even while they advocate killing? Well, turns out that the sustained instability from toppling dictatorships actually led to a lack of infrastructure and education for a long time in many of these regions. As a result, ISIS/Taliban/Trump supporters, etc. come in and provide services that weren’t present beforehand.

Therefore, when fighting ISIS, Zayn is raspily instructing his listeners to make sure you see the pain and pleasure from the eyes of their supporters. It’ll humanize that village you’re about to order a drone strike on.

Nobody but us bodies together

Death tolls pile up pretty quickly in war. While your body is next to your fellow comrade or Zayn’s heaving, sweaty torso, it may also be next to a Bedouin caught in the crossfires of war’s peril.

However, you have to keep in mind to be aiming at the other bodies and not your own soldiers.

So we’ll piss off the neighbours
In the place that feels the tears
The place to lose your fears
Yeah, reckless behavior

First and foremost, let’s address the extra “u” in neighbors. Zayn is British and although we want to be respectful of his language, our readers are too sharp to overlook such a thing.

ISIS’ occupied nations, as well as countries neighboring ISIS territory, are also not too pleased with the U.S. Perhaps it’s the relationship with Israel, perhaps it’s the fact that Wahabbism needs a constant scapegoat to continue fueling extremism, or that there’s truly no winning strategy in the Middle East, just less worse ones. Whatever the case may be, we’re definitely going to piss off the neighbors no matter what we do, and Zayn is urging the U.S. to adopt a strong, yet gentle and loving, embrace of soft power.

War is also the place that feels the tears with all the loss of life, as well as the destruction of civilization within an area. Imagine the In N’ Out you used to go to is shelled so hard it looks worse than Daniel Radcliffe after an open bar — you’d be pretty goddamn sad, right?

You lose your fears in war when you’re staring down the barrel of a gun being hoisted by a 14 year old Afghani child soldier. Zayn lost his fears railing lines of coke off Harry Style’s ass, but different folks different strokes amirite?

As for all this reckless behavior viz a viz losing your fears, soldiers have done some pretty deplorable things, regardless of which country they hail from. Zayn knows this is a reality of war and while he doesn’t encourage it, he doesn’t believe that you should hide from it either.

My enemy, my ally
Then we’re free, it’s a thriller

We often paint this portrait of war as two sides going to battle, with only one good side prevailing. I reality, Zayn realizes the situation on the ground is much more complex than that.

The struggle with ISIS in the Middle East may seem to feature two different ideologies facing off, but many want the same things out of life: Opportunities for their children, a chance to go eat at a Michelin star restaurant, a society with less crime. After all, we’re not so different.

Fucking in and fighting on
It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone

OK so maybe war has some pretty gay overtones. Literally it’s just dudes going outside pounding bullets into enemy skulls then pounding each other. It’s not only a war zone, it’s also a paradise for those who like grotesque action and a homo-erotic lifestyle. Much like Trump supporters.