Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 6 Recap and Review
This week’s episode was not the most action-packed of the season; there was only one fight scene and only four or five pairs of tits. But it was, hands down, the best episode of this season so far. Here’s what we saw in last night’s episode:
Stannis and Davos go to the bank
The episode begins with Stannis and Davos on a boat, sailing into Braavos between the legs of a giant stone soldier statue. When they get to their destination, the Iron Bank of Braavos, they have to wait for an absurdly long time to speak with a representative. Just when Stannis swears he’s never banking with Wells Fargo again, a representative (played by the actor who plays Mycroft in Sherlock, NO BIG DEAL) meets them. Davos makes a convincing argument in favor of the bank backing Stannis, testifying to the true king’s character and integrity.
Cut to: TITS! Salladhor Saan (Davos’ pirate buddy) is relaxing in the baths with a few prostitutes. Davos shows up, gives him some gold, and tells him they’re leaving tomorrow. This scene is mostly about tits.
Across the Narrow Sea, we see a pleasant, pastoral scene with a father and his son and their goats. Then a dragon shows up and seriously fucks shit up, scorching the earth like he’s a retreating Russian soldier in World War II and incinerating the goats in the doing. This furthers my theory that any time this show offers us a nice scene in a countryside that doesn’t immediately feature central characters, things are going to go horribly wrong for everyone involved.
We’re then moved to Daenerys’ throne room (or some shit) in Meereen, where she’s listening to a bunch of her subjects bitch about their problems. The first guy is, unfortunately, the father whose goats got firefucked by her dragons. The second guy is, also unfortunately, the son of one of the 163 slave masters she crucified. Missandei quietly informs her that there 212 more people waiting to see her. Softly, Daenerys whispers to herself: “Fuck my balls.”
Greyjoy Family Reunion
Next, we find Yara Greyjoy on a ship, reciting to her crewmen the letter Ramsay Snow sent her father in a box with Theon’s D. Which is just fucking great, because everyone really wanted to revisit The Dejunkification Of Theon. Of course, this montage is peppered with clips of Ramsay banging a hooker. As it turns out, Yara is leading some Ironborns on the Dreadfort to rescue Theon. She makes it to his room with relative ease (and by room, I mean a space where he lives in a cage next to two dogs, but not like pets, like rabid creatures that also live in a cage), but he does not recognize her, because he has been psychologically broken. Eventually, Yara and her men have to leave without Theon, meaning Theon and his dick will spend even more time apart.
The next day, Ramsay rewards Theon’s loyalty by giving him a bath (creepy) and telling him that he needs Theon to play a role for him (even creepier). Ramsay appears to be hatching a plan to invade Pyke, beguiling them with Theon posing as Theon and not Reek the Dickless Servant. Aw shit.
Here’s where this episode gets real exciting. We see a small council meeting, now featuring Mace Tyrell and Prince Oberyn, in which Tywin leads the discussion of a number of important events. Tywin agrees to send a number of men to kill The Hound, because The Hound is a character we like and it would be awful for him and Arya to not be in great danger for more than a few episodes. Tywin also agrees that something needs to be done about “the Targaryen girl,” but no plans are specified.
Varys and Oberyn proceed to have a conversation of their own, in private. Not particularly exciting, besides Oberyn accusing Varys of being gay before his castration. Fun stuff.
But then, finally, we get to Tyrion’s trial. We all know the odds are stacked against Tyrion, but man, he is really fucked. Ser Meryn Trant, Grand Maester Pycelle, Cersei Lannister, and Varys all testify against him, making unfounded accusations that he has no way of refuting, since he isn’t even allowed to talk.
During a recess in the trial, Jaime approaches Tywin in his office to barter for Tyrion’s life, pointing out that if Tyrion dies and Jaime remains in the King’s Guard, the Lannister line will be effectively done. Tywin explains that Tyrion will be given the option to plead for mercy and serve on the Night’s Watch instead of facing execution, and Jaime agrees to leave the King’s Guard if that is the case.
However, the plot thickens. Immensely. I mean, some real fucking girth got injected into this plot. Shae shows up to testify against Tyrion. She makes up blatant lies about Sansa and Tyrion plotting Joffrey’s death, and bends the truth about the nature of her relationship with Tyrion. When she finishes, Tyrion enters into easily the best monologue of the series.
He begins by explaining that he wishes to confess his crime. Tywin asks him if he killed King Joffrey, to which Tyrion retorts that he did not kill Joffrey, but wishes he had, because Joffrey was a monster. He adds that he did save King’s Landing at Blackwater, but wishes he hadn’t, because he wishes everyone in the room was dead. He proceeds to elaborate that no, he does not wish to confess to regicide, but to confess to the crime of being a dwarf. Finally, he complains that he knows he will not get a fair trial, so he wishes to leave his fate to the Gods and request a trial by combat.
Jesus, is it next Sunday yet?