Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 3 Recap and Review

April 21, 2014 / by / 27 Comments

After the excitement of last week’s episode and “The Purple Wedding,” Game of Thrones fans couldn’t wait to see what happened in this week’s episode, titled “Breaker of Chains.” Sure, it wasn’t as cathartic as last week’s episode, but there were still some fantastic progressions in the plot. Here’s what happened in this week’s episode [SPOILERS AHEAD]:

Sansa “Escapes” King’s Landing

The episode opens right into the aftermath of Joffrey’s glorious demise, as Ser Dontos escorts Sansa down to the sea into a little canoe. He takes her far out to sea, until it’s dark and foggy and mysterious and they reach a huge ship waiting for them. Just picture every single goddamn scene in Pirates of the Caribbean, and that’s what it looks like. I’m actually relatively certain they used a bit of the same footage from Curse of the Black Pearl. But I digress — Sansa boards the ship to find that Littlefinger is aboard, and had hired Ser Dontos to befriend Sansa. Littlefinger proceeds to have his henchmen kill Ser Dontos, because Littlefinger’s veins are constantly inundated with smegma.

Tommen Is Primed To Be King

Remember Tommen Baratheon? He’s Joffrey’s younger brother and, strangely, is not a heaping wad of rat pubes like Joffrey was. Anyway, he’s the king now, since Joffrey didn’t have time to bone Lady Margaery before he died choking on his own blood, and thus she can’t technically be the queen. In one of the best scenes in the episode (and the season, thus far), Tywin grills Tommen on what makes a good king as the two of them and Cersei mourn next to Joffrey’s dead body. Naturally, the conversation leads to “wisdom” as the answer, which Tywin frames as “listening to advisors.” You’ve got to hand it Tywin Lannister, the man knows how to impose his will upon a 10-year-old boy.

Then Tywin and Tommen leave, and Jaime enters and rapes Cersei next to the altar on which their son’s dead body is placed. That was a fun scene, everyone really enjoyed that one.

Tywin and Oberyn Become…Friends?

A scene opens with Prince Oberyn and his wife getting their orgy on in a brothel, to nobody’s surprise. The orgy is interrupted when Tywin Lannister, Hand of the King and Cockblocker Extraordinaire, enters to speak with Oberyn. Tywin wants Oberyn to serve as the third man on a jury to decide the fate of Tyrion Lannister, who is currently in prison as the primary suspect in King Douchebag’s death (Tywin and Mace Tyrell are the other two). Oberyn accepts, in exchange for the opportunity to “speak with” The Mountain, the man who raped and killed his sister Elia.

Tyrion Protects Podrick

Podrick visits Tyrion in prison and explains to Tyrion that he is allowed to select witnesses for his trial. Unfortunately, Cersei has pretty much already hired everyone as a witness for her, so Tyrion’s outlook is bleak. Podrick then admits that he, also, was asked to testify against Tyrion, but declined. Tyrion orders him to leave King’s Landing because he’s probably going to get killed for that, and the two bid each other farewell. It looks like Podrick might become much less relevant to the show, but we will always remember him fondly as the Conqueror of the Great Season 3 Prostitute Orgy.

Sam Keeps His Bitches Safe

Up north, Sam realizes that Gilly is unsafe at Castle Black because of the temptation she offers to the Brothers of the Night’s Watch, so he takes her to this ghetto inn/brothel in the nearest town. She’s kind of pissed, and for good reason. Sure, maybe the Lakers’ locker room isn’t the safest place for a vulnerable woman, but that doesn’t mean you just drop her off at a motel in Compton. All in all, the whole Sam-Gilly plotline is worthless and I hate it and I bet most of you hate it, too.

Wildlings Continue to Raid The North

At first, we see a nice, tender scene between a son and his father in the North. But then you realize this scene probably only plays into one plot, and it’s the one where Wildlings go on killing sprees against innocent people, and then you get sad. The father gets shot by Ygritte, and the boy is told by one of the Thenns that he should run to Castle Black and tell them the Wildlings are coming. He’s told that after the Thenns let him know that they intend to eat his parents. Welp.

Ser Davos Has a Plan

We don’t know what it is, but we know that it has to do with the Iron Bank of Braavos and that it will forward Stannis’ claim to the throne. Stay tuned.

Arya, The Hound, and Westerosi Darwinism

Arya and The Hound are offered food and shelter by a passerby who is quite literally the nicest person in this whole series, and we all know what happens to nice people in this series. Arya is outraged upon discovering that The Hound attacked the man and took his silver, and The Hound explains himself simply, by claiming that those people would not make it through the winter anyway, and when they die, they’d have no use for that silver.

Daenerys Reaches Meereen

After a crucified-slave-marked journey to Meereen which seems like the Game of Thrones equivalent of driving to Los Angeles on I-15, Daenerys and her army reach the renowned city of Meereen. The city is immediately adversarial toward Daenerys, sending out a “champion” to fight against her champion. I put “champion” in quotations, because he was slaughtered effortlessly by Daario Naharis, making him a “champion” really just in the same sort of way the Green Bay Packers were NFC North Champions last season. Daenerys proceeds to give a lengthy speech about the perils of slavery to the onlooking slaves and masters in Meereen, who can obviously hear every word she says, even though she’s half a goddamn mile outside the city walls. Then she uses catapults (when the fuck did she get catapults?) to launch barrels into the city of Meereen. When the barrels shatter, we find they are all filled with assorted S&M paraphernalia, apparently meant to represent the liberation of slaves. Inspiring, admittedly, but seeing as Daenerys has already liberated the slaves of two powerful cities with barely a single obstacle, it seems impossible that George R.R. Martin would allow her to do so for a third time.