Are You the One? Season Four Finale Recap
After a painful eight weeks, Are You the One’s? two-hour finale extravaganza has arrived. After last week’s incredible blackout, the cast struggles to face their reality. Some of the most confident couples, among them the awful pairing of Stephen and Julia, confront the fact that they are not perfect matches. They crumble at this thought. It’s a glorious moment of reality TV schadenfreude.
The following day, the dreary house jumps right into their next getaway date challenge. The challenge is called, “Have I Mentioned It’s Time for You to Make Connections?” This title…I’m not mad, ATYO producers – just disappointed.
Anyhow, the game is basically Connect Four with one catch: to earn pieces to place on the board, the teams (divided into men and women) must correctly answer “True or False” questions. The game pieces have cast members’ faces on them, and whichever two faces are at the end of the winning connection chain get to select dates for the day. It’s unnecessarily complicated for a children’s game played by emotionally unstable drunks. Here are some of the highlight facts from the game:
- Men lies approximately twice as often as women (according to Emma, most of these lies involve their penises)
- 43% of singles have Googled their partners before a first date (or in the case of Emma, backstalked on Instagram over a full year to find their ex)
The women win the challenge, with Emma and Francesca becoming the winning women. Emma selects Prosper and Francesca selects Asaf. A quick Strategery session follows the game, during which Kaylen suggests Francesca is Gio’s match.
With that suggestion, AYTO turns into the Gio show again. He arranges a rap battle with Tori, thinking it will be a great chance to assert his alpha status. However, Tori and the women of the house bury him with some harsh lines, and this throws Gio into another patented hissy fit. He punches a glass vase and cuts his hand open like a spectacular moron. Francesca consoles him and admits that she’s the only woman in the house who likes him, validating Kaylen’s suggestion.
The getaway date is exceptionally uninteresting, so the episode only reveals about two minutes of it. That night, the house votes Emma and Prosper into the Truth Booth. AND THEY’RE A PERFECT MATCH!!!! And it only took nine weeks to confirm the third match!
The good times last all of one minute, as the house soon devolves into a war zone. Prosper and Kaylen begin to argue after Prosper calls Kaylen a bitch. Gio decides to insert himself into the fight, and Prosper becomes enraged with him. Eventually, Prosper crosses his breaking point and shoves Gio into the couch. The women of the house lose their collective shit.
After the explosion, it’s a return to Strategery. Using the new match information and the beams from week four, the women devise a new match plan for the ceremony. It’s a women’s pick night, and the selections proceed as follows:
- Camille picks Tyler: Tyler sucks and Camille is a decent human, so this is a meh pairing.
- Victoria picks John: “We’re on the same page because we just don’t give a fuck.” – A truly beautiful sentiment from John.
- Kaylen picks Stephen: After another rehashing of the Gio/Kaylen debacle, The Devlin does some good for the house and admonishes Gio for his bullshit. He urges Gio to take responsibility for his actions, but Gio obviously refuses. Kaylen and Stephen are a perfectly mediocre match. Let’s move on.
- Nicole picks Cam: Yay! They’re not a match, but they’re both nice. That’s enough, right?!?
- Julia picks Morgan: JULIA FUCKS UP THE WHOLE NIGHT AGAIN!!!!! She’s the worst.
- Francesca picks Gio: Ayyyyyyye! At least she went with the strategy.
- Tori and Asaf wind up together. They are a confirmed no match. Nice work, Julia!
The new honeymoon couple, Emma & Prosper, join the confirmed pairs, Sam & Alyssa and Cameron & Mikala, round out the final ten pairs. Ultimately, they wind up with six beams. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible. Good job, dumb dumbs.
BUT WAIT! WE STILL HAVE ANOTHER HOUR!!!! Alright, here we fucking go. Time for the producers to construct the buildup to the inevitable ten beams.
The unbelievable bullshit starts with Gio apologizing to Kaylen. REALLY? After all this time, you finally realized it wasn’t worth it to act like a shit bag? Ugh.
Then, it’s a final return to Strategery. Tori uncovers the correct ten matches, but Asaf and Francesca refuse to accept the truth (i.e. that they ARE NOT a match). Thankfully, they have one final Truth Booth to figure it all out. Unfortunately, that means one more challenge with a terrible name. It’s called, “You Lucky Beaches,” because it’s a woman-led challenge and beaches sounds like bitches, which is a fun thing to call women when you’re MTV.
The game is literally Plinko with names. Once a woman has two of her balls land in the slot of a particular man’s name, that’s her date. Nicole reluctantly winds up with John. Julia, the getaway date whisperer, wins a date with Cam.
When the cast returns to the house, it’s time for more obviously planted matching. As Kaylen and Asaf recite the lines the AYTO producers fed to them, it’s clear that they will wind up together at the matchup ceremony. However, before we reach that point, Asaf has to take a dumb detour down Feelings Avenue (which just happens to
intercourse intersect with Sex Lane). Francesca tells him she never wears underwear, then he says he loves her. This makes sense.
During the getaway date, it’s clear John has finally returned to his asshole ways. He whines about Julia during the whole group excursion, bringing his storyline full circle. Back at the house, the cast votes Julia and Cam into the Truth Booth. They’re a match! Woooo. It’s a very hollow victory though, as Julia is already stuck in the clutches of the Urban Outfitters Asshole, Stephen. This convinces John and Victoria that they’re each other’s match. They bicker until John calls Victoria a “fat whale.” Yaaaaaaaay. Fortunately, he apologizes to Victoria for his awful “joke.” They reconcile and it’s fine.
On the final night, the AYTO house devolves into one last orgy. It’s weird and gross and a little sad.
It’s finally time for the FINAL matchup ceremony. Tori’s strategy seems airtight after Julia and Cam being confirmed as a perfect match. With this group of dumb dumbs though, you never know how exactly they will fuck things up. It’s a guys’ choice ceremony, and the matchup proceeds as follows:
- Morgan picks Tori: Yep. The inevitable. 1 for 1 so far.
- John picks Victoria: John apologizes to Nicole for their bad date and calls Victoria beautiful. Way to not leave as a shithead, John!
- Tyler picks Camille: No fuck ups, yet. The Strategery is moving well.
- Asaf picks Kaylen: After rambling about math and fingers, Asaf makes the right choice. Nice work, dummy.
- Stephen picks Nicole: Sorry, Nicole. You deserved better.
- Gio winds up with Francesca: Sure. Let’s round out the strategy.
Our four confirmed matches – Julia & Cam, Mikala & Cameron, Sam & Alyssa, and Emma & Prosper – round out the final ten pairings. AND THEY GET TEN BEAMS!!!! Thank god the producers led them to the right strategy. Ryan lies and says this grouping played better than anyone else before them, which isn’t true because other seasons have won without losing part of their winnings.
The cast walks away with 750,000 dollars, which is far more than they deserve. As for us? Well we all walk away with hundreds of lost brain cells and an overwhelming sense of regret for the time we lost to this show, plus the smug satisfaction of knowing we called all ten perfect matches weeks ago.
That’s all for this season! See you all next year for another terrible mess of reality TV chaos.