Are You the One? Season 4 Episode 8 Recap
After the fifth grade scuffle between Stephen and Gio in last week’s episode, tensions run high in the AYTO house. Fortunately, the producers redirect attention away from this mess… HAHAHAHAH! Just kidding!
Everyone else in the house must have no entertainment value, because we’re forced to sit through more Stephen/Gio/Julia drama. However, there is finally some intrigue to this garbage fire; we discover that Julia still hasn’t kissed Stephen. Obviously, everyone experiences romance in different ways and places different values on intimate experiences, but for them to claim they love each other despite never having kissed is a fairly weird idea.
Meanwhile, John and Kaylen continue to bond. Though their explosiveness as individuals would probably make them an ill-suited couple, they do seem to have a genuine connection. It’s a rare moment of tenderness for two people who would’ve been voted “Most Likely to Wear an Ex as a Skinsuit” just a couple episodes ago.
And then, like a gift from the gods of MTV corporate headquarters, challenge time is upon us!
This week’s getaway date challenge is called, “Did You Guys Reaaallly Think I Wasn’t Going to Bring Your Exes Here?” The AYTO producers clearly phoned in the naming process on this one.
After the announcement, The Devlin brushes off his shoulders and wipes away whatever remaining dignity he had prior to hosting this massacre of a show. Fortunately for the ladies, only the guys’ exes arrive. The challenge is a revised version of The Newlywed Game: The guys are matched with their exes. They are asked the same question but independently provide answers, and the guys receive a point for every time their answers match with the answer of their ex.
The most interesting fact comes before the game even starts when it’s discovered that Prosper’s fear of commitment has led to no woman liking him enough to take advantage of a free trip to Maui. Damn. He receives an auto DQ. Here are some of the other fun facts from the challenge:
- Both John and his Ex think his animal equivalent is a possum
- Gio was also an immature asshole in his prior relationship (shocker!)
- Cam may still have lingering feelings for his ex
Despite all of this juicy information, the most revealing part of the segment is Stephen and Julia freaking out at Gio and his ex-girlfriend continuously scoring points. They both know Gio will pick Julia for the date, and the thought of this almost gives Stephen an aneurysm, revealing just how unstable the tie between Stephen and Julia is. While they claim to be a perfect match, this fear seems to indicate that Stephen and Julia both believe that their supposed bond could be broken, or worse – Gio may be the show’s perfect match for her. A more self-assured couple wouldn’t have this fear. AND LO AND BEHOLD: Gio wins!
Gio and John tie for first place and both earn the right to select a woman for the getaway date. Gio picks Julia and John picks Kaylen. It’s a fun reversal of the most passionate, batshit couples from week one.
That night, the house bickers over whether there is any value in sending Gio and Julia to the Truth Booth just to make Gio shut up. On the other end of the house, Morgan and Tori move towards the Boom Boom Room. To set the mood, Morgan makes an offhand comment about Tori “putting on weight” so her body is proportional to her massive belly button. She’s immediately annoyed, but he recovers by saying he wishes she had a bigger ass. Awwww! Isn’t love amazing?
The getaway date is predictably awkward, though it does provide Juia with the opportunity to look like a rational human. Gio claims his physical desire for Julia is the “purest” (read: most superficial) type of connection, and she asserts that those sort of thoughts are what placed her in bad relationships. He says that she’ll be his if they are labeled a perfect match, but she counters that nobody can own her. Julia is hitting all of the right notes. Thankfully, the house votes them into the Truth Booth that night. Aaaaaaaaannnd! They aren’t a match!
Gio breaks down in frustration and Stephen breaks down in elation. In the afterglow of the nuclear explosion that was the destruction of Gio’s erection-fueled love, Stephen and Julia kiss. Well, they don’t so much kiss as they smash their faces together – but it counts.
The following night, Morgan revives Team Strategery. He proposes that everyone sits with all new partners to gather information about other potential matches. Most of the house agrees with this concept, but not Stephen. He is furious about the idea of allowing someone else to sit with “his” match in a meaningless ceremony. This plan is sure to self-destruct faster than the AYTO doctors can say, “Yes, that is chlamydia.”
When the matchup ceremony comes around, the house is set to take advantage of their clusterfuck of a strategy. It’s a guys’ selection night and the matchup ceremony proceeds as follows:
- Gio picks Nicole: The only thing to say to Nicole in this moment is what we’d say to anyone who winds up with Gio: I’m so sorry this happened to you.
- Prosper picks Francesca: Ryan questions this new pairing and Francesca explains the house “strategy.” The Devlin passive-aggressively undermines their doomed plans the way only a handsome weasel man can.
- Stephen picks Julia: AYYYYYYYE! They made it through a whole two picks before someone shit on the strategy. Now is a great time to pause and consider what an asshole Stephen is. While being positioned against Gio made him seem like less of a dickhole, this “man” also called his perfect match “that bitch,” constantly claimed her as his possession despite her annoyance with such claims, and consistently acts out of selfishness. Sure, he wouldn’t hit someone (probably), but his self-conscious faux alpha hipster bullshit screams, “I’m an immature asshat who dabbles in misogyny and thinks ‘negging’ is a good way to pick up women.”
- Tyler picks Emma: Sorry, Emma.
- Cam picks Tori: This is purely a strategic pick and they’d make a terrible couple – but sure, why not?
- Morgan picks Victoria: Have they ever spoken to each other?
- Asaf picks Camille: Both testify to not wanting to stand next to each other, furthering the push for #TeamStrategy. They assert that this is purely unselfish planning, undermining Stephen for being a dick.
- John is left with Kaylen: Kaylen is disconsolate because she’s still harboring feelings for Gio. Gio says words but they’re stupid words so we don’t need to quote him.
The honeymoon sweethearts, Sam & Alyssa and Cameron & Mikala, round out the final two pairings. When it comes time for the matchup beams to alight, NO NEW BEAMS COME OUT! THEY FINALLY BLACKOUT!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! BYE, STEPHEN & JULIA! BYE JOHN & KAYLEN! BYE RANDOM FUCKING STRATEGY COUPLES! BYE 250,000 DOLLARS!
Welp, at least it helps out their matchup grid (since no couple matched up in episode 8 can be a perfect match), but still… goddamn. Here’s what the matchup grid looks like after episode 8 (the complete spoiler of a grid with all ten perfect matches can be found here):
Sadly, the episode ends before the shit has a chance to spread across the room after SLAMMING against the fan, but it’s sure to be exciting when we see the resulting implosion next week. There is even better news though: This makeshift 10x Truth Booth further cements the perfect matches we already calculated! Please check out our perfect match anaylsis for more information.
That’s all for this week, folks! Be sure to join us again next week for the disaster that is sure to come!