Are You the One? Season 4 Episode 4 Recap
After a successful episode 3, the house is jubilant after their four-beam matchup ceremony. Thankfully, the Are You the One producers have the perfect gift for the excited lovebirds: a comedic cream pie (get it? It’s like a sex thing..)
Gio immediately slams the cream pie in Tori’s face (do you get it yet?) and the house proceeds to joke that Tori has white stuff on her face (DO YOU GET IT YET??? THIS IS A SEMEN JOKE). This sends Kaylen into a small fit, as she has clearly taken this metaphor a little too literally (it is an actual pie). Giovanni decides he can dick the jealousy out of Kaylen and brings her to the Boom Boom Room to make up for The Cream Pie Kerfuffle. Aaaand Kaylen breaks down in tears. It looks like the marriage discussions two weeks in may have been premature. Who would’ve guessed? (Hint: Everyone)
Meanwhile, Cameron and Mikala continue their adorableness in the Honeymoon Suite. They pop bottles and play with roses as Cameron sets the mood to, as NBA champion JR Smith would say, “lay the pipe.”
Romance isn’t just alive in the Honeymoon Suite though! The following morning, Asaf shows that chivalry is still alive and well in the house when he politely requests to eat lentils off of Tori’s ass. It’s all very sweet. This causes Tori to fall deeper and deeper in love with Asaf because…the ass is the key to the heart?
Sadly, this gushy romance must come to an end as the cast heads to their challenge. This week’s challenge is called “Dirty Laundry.” The rules are fairly simple: the women must match uncomfortable statements about personal hygiene with the men who said them. To “match” the quotes with the men, the women must dive through water because we need an excuse to see them soaking wet this is an athletic competition. This standard challenge has a twist: The first winner of the challenge gets to select the dates for herself and the dates for the second and third place finishers.
Here are some of the disgusting facts:
· Stephen has pooped his pants twice in the past five years
· Sam overuses the word “penis” (as Alyssa points out, this is a surprising find for a man who seems to wear a chastity belt)
· Asaf farts a lot
In the battle for this human trash pile AYTO calls men, the winners are as follows: Tori wins third place. Julia wins second place. Emma wins first place.
Because she gets to pick all three matches for the date, Emma selects Stephen for herself out of spite. Emma then selects Morgan for Julia, since they’re both pretty assholes, and Emma picks Asaf for Tori. Well, we know who is going to the Truth Booth!
Later that night, Gio tells Kaylen that he needs space. Ugh. Obviously nobody cares if they end up together – this is just awful because it means they’ll get more screen time. Meanwhile, Tori encourages Asaf to bone his way through the house, convinced that they are a perfect match and will be leaving the house soon. Asaf uses this opportunity to go to the Boom Boom Room with his “little sister” Francesca. This is going to be a fun fight!
The next day’s getaway date, much like Asaf’s ability to sexually connect with people who have known him for longer than 5 minutes, is amazing. The couples take a boat across the Pacific to an underground volcano. Why do good things happen to bad people?
Fortunately, all of this happiness soon comes crashing down. While Tori prepares for Asaf to confess his love to her, he ends up admitting to having sex with Francesca. Super cool Tori who claims to never feels jealousy ends up pretty angry and jealous. Another huge twist, right? Tori immediately runs off in sadness and Julia comes to comfort her. After their talk, Julia scolds Asaf for being thoughtless, in another edition of “Why Are the Shitheads of the House Making Good Points?” Off-screen, Emma and Stephen have literally so much exciting chemistry that the producers decided to show absolutely none of their interactions (read: LOL).
Before The Devlin unveils whom the house voted into the Truth Booth, he instigates a beautiful argument between Gio and Kaylen simply by calling them “the strong couple.” Gio claims Kaylen doesn’t trust him (c’mon! What’s a little cream pie between friends?), while Kaylen cries that it’s not true. Gio dismisses Kaylen and says that “it’s over.” Shortly after, Tori unveils Asaf’s betrayal to the house and criticizes Francesca for having sex with Asaf then selecting them for the Truth Booth. Obviously, the rest of the house also voted for Tori and Asaf, so the pair are sent to the Truth Booth. Fortunately for Tori, she and Asaf aren’t a perfect match.
Of course, there can be no conclusion of one shitshow without the beginning of another. In perfect form, Gio tells Stephen that he believes Julia may be his perfect match. It makes sense because Julia is so ‘intelligent’ ‘extremely thoughtful’ and ‘pretty hot.’ This has been an exciting season of Are You Julia’s One? so far.
After a dreadfully boring week, it’s time for the matchup ceremony! This week, it’s guy’s pick. The selections are as follows:
Morgan picks Tori: Morgan’s perfect match is most likely his own reflection, so it’s unclear how this pairing will work out.
Prosper picks Nicole: Both of them are enjoyable, sensible people (other than Prosper’s glass penis shield incident), which means they have both received no screen time recently. Regardless, we like them. Good job, Prosper!
Asaf picks Camille: Camille, despite Asaf’s many, many, MANY faults, still wants to be with Asaf. I guess that means they’re a match?
John picks Victoria: This is disappointing because Cam and Victoria started to forma cute little “Odd Couple” bond, but for now I guess that’s on hold.
Giovanni picks Kaylen: Gio makes this selection out of duty and an implicit understanding of matchup dynamics (i.e. He will fuck up everything if he picks someone else). This seems to cut Kaylen even deeper, who makes an impassioned plea regarding her love for him. It’s weirdly touching, especially since everything about this pairing has felt immature and vaguely insincere thus far. Half of the house winds up in tears.
Stephen picks Julia: Cool.
Tyler picks Francesca: Sure! At least they have one thing in common: they don’t understand the individual relationships people have between sex and intimacy.
Sam picks Alyssa: This relationship has felt more forced lately, but it’s still cute enough to seem strong.
Cam winds up with Emma: Eh. It’s not great, but it’s not awful (that’s also the title of National Ave’s upcoming guide to sex).
The house starts with one beam thanks to the perfect match of Cameron and Mikala. They wind up with four total beams, which means three of the nine pairs still in the house are perfect matches. It’s not very exciting, but it’s a degree of strong consistency unseen in previous seasons. Let’s hope someone fucks it up! Here’s the matchup grid following episode 4:
That’s all for this week! If you’re interested in following along with the match probabilities and gambling on the show, check out National Ave’s AYTO matchup board. See you next week!