John and Stephen get hot and heavy

Are You the One? Season 4 Episode 3 Recap

June 29, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

Fresh out of another 3-beam matchup ceremony, romance and chlamydia are in the air.

The “strong” couples – Sam & Alyssa, Cameron & Mikala, and Kaylen & Gio – continue to focus only on one another, totally shutting themselves off to others in the house. However, John, adamant that he and Julia are a matched made in semi-literate Louisiana heaven, follows this pattern and continues to circle Julia like a madman. Fortunately, Stephen thinks he knows a solution: Dressing in drag with Asaf! This makes about as much sense as playing Mambo #5 to stop a tornado, but IT WORKS! Julia and Mikala dress as dudes and they have a grand time.

After the gender-swap party, it’s time for the next getaway date challenge. The challenge is called “Let’s Put These Dogs on a Leash.” It sounds a little kinky, but MTV doesn’t quite go full BDSM with this.

The challenge rules are as follows: The men are tied to an initial leash. After selecting one woman in the house (the woman with whom they want to take on the date), each guy has to answer questions about the woman of their choosing. The right answer corresponds to the correct leash “extension” – allowing the men to move forward on the path. The wrong answers provide short leash extensions that prevent them from moving from. The three men who finish the fastest win and get to go on a date with their selection!

The actual questions are less than exciting, as they primarily deal with things like “family values” and “practical approaches to relationships.” SNORE. None of the castmates want to learn about what actually makes them compatible. Just tell me who had sex in cemetery or who has a cottage cheese fetish – the important things! Anyhow, Gio and Kaylen win first place because “Gio knows everything about [Kaylen]” after three weeks wasted together. Cam and Julia get second place because apparently we’re not sick of Julia yet. Cameron and Mikala take third!

Back in the house, Asaf laments having to talk to all of the women in the house. He solves this problem by forcibly kissing Tori on the mouth. Apparently the theme of this week is “Be a jackass to get attention,” because THIS WORKS TOO! HOLY HELL! Who knew love was so easy?

Stephen decides to take his feelings for Julia further by confronting John. He romantically claims “that bitch” as his match and asserts that he won’t need to “try to” woo her because he’s just going to have her. Yay! We love seeing the pervasiveness of rape culture showing itself on national television. RIGHT?!?

The next day is the date, and it’s dope as hell. The three pairs get to explore the ocean using James Bond-level submersible “scooter” devices and it feels like a travesty that such ridiculous people get to enjoy such amazing experiences. Later on, Cameron and Mikala explore the plausibility of them being a match and discuss their flaws. It’s honestly a jarring experience, because they are acting like totally normally people and that’s not what AYTO is for. Cameron uses the word “respect” to describe his feelings for Mikala, which puts the ratio for the use of “respect” versus “fuck” on AYTO at a strong 1-to-758. Meanwhile, Giovanni and Kaylen play engagement chicken, reminding everyone that irrationality is alive and well in the house! Apparently Julia and Cam are on the date too. I think everyone forgot, because they get zero screen time.

That evening, The Devlin reveals that the house has selected Cameron and Mikala for the Truth Booth. In the moments before the grand reveal, the entire house doubts that Mikameron is a good pair. BUT THEY’RE A PERFECT MATCH!!! It’s beautiful and amazing and they’re beautiful and amazing. This is shockingly, unbelievably, irrefutably good news.

To honor this pure moment, the house throws an Anything But Clothes (ABC) party. The party is cut short when Prosper’s dick is almost sliced off after a freak broken light bulb cover drumming incident. You remember, that thing that happened in college every weekend?

Fortunately, John is there to lighten the mood with some emotional abuse. Julia finally steps up and tells John she is not interested in him because of his violent temper. John insists that’s only what she thinks, as he daydreams about murdering puppies. However, it seems like Julia has finally gotten through to John’s dense, murderous skull and this whole ordeal may be over.

The house kicks off the matchup ceremony with Mikala joining her perfect match, Cameron. It’s totes adorbs. It’s ladies’ choice night, and the matchup proceeds as follows:

Francesca picks Morgan. Francesca is quiet and shy while Morgan is quiet and a huge asshole – so 50/50 chances!

Camille picks Asaf. Camille wants the D and Asaf is more than willing to provide it. Probably not a match, but expect some fun Boom Boom Room action in the near future. Asaf expresses that he has stronger feelings for Tori, but it’s unclear that the rational side of his brain functions, so who knows how this will play out.

Nicole picks Cam. Sure. Whatever. Too normal to care.

Tori picks Stephen. Tori’s consolation pick will surely fuck up the rest of the ceremony. This should be fun.

Victoria picks John. John calls out Stephen for calling Julia “that bitch.” He says it like an idiot, but he’s making a good point – so it’s hard to really decipher what is going through his mind. In true woke alpha bro fashion, John threatens to beat the shit out of Stephen if he says “another derogatory comment towards a female.” This is an amazing spectacle and I don’t know how to feel. No idea if he is a match with Victoria, but that was some good television.

Emma picks Prosper. Emma is fine and Prosper has an unbreakable, impenetrable penis, so this is a fine match.

Kaylen picks Giovanni. They are either in love or dumb as bricks. Maybe both. The good money is both.

Alyssa picks Sam. The White Devil (aka The Devlin aka Ryan Devlin) calls out the lack of physicality between Sam and Alyssa. However, Sam quiets that discussion by planting one on Alyssa right then and there. It’s adorable.

Julia ends up with Tyler. They are both secretly manipulative people who don’t really know what they want. This is probably bad for a relationship, but who the fuck knows how the AYTO algorithm works?

A brief rules reminder: Cameron and Mikala (or any confirmed match) are removed from the “game” for the purposes of the blackout rule. One of the nine remaining pairs must get a beam, or else the house loses $250,000.

The house ends up with four total beams – that’s three beams on top of the established pair. This group of dumb dumbs is doing shockingly well. How well? Follow along on our matchup chart to see!

4 perfect matches following episode 3 has the Are You The One house feeling good about their odds.

That’s all for this week! Next week promises a not-so-shocking revelation about Asaf having sex with someone and the only slightly more surprising minor fight between lovebirds Kaylen and Gio, so be sure to tune in again!