The Challenge Free Agents Episode 6

May 18, 2014 / by / 9 Comments

Guys, this week on The Challenge: Free Agents, we have a special treat. No, not a Bananas vs. Jordan smack down (although that is coming), not a steamy new romance (that happens every week) – I’m talking about trivia. This week we get a chance to see the powerful intellects of professional reality TV actors. I had a blast, TJ Lavin had a blast, if you watch it, you’ll have a blast, too. Trivia week. Fuck yeah.

Pre-Challenge Bullshit

The first scene opens with an unexpected olive branch between Devyn and Theresa. Theresa fucked Devyn over in the last episode by convincing everyone to vote Laurel into elimination, and then, after securing enough votes to screw Laurel, she voted for Jasmine. Despite this betrayal, Devyn is willing to keep working with Theresa, “I have forgiven Theresa, I have not forgotten. But we’re still on the same side.” This is exactly the kind of flexibility Devyn needs to be showing in order to get into the final round. As a self-declared political player, Devyn survives only if others allow her to. If she wants to take 3rd place in this final, which is realistically her highest possible finishing point, she can’t be allowing personal grudges to get in the way.
Fortunately for Devyn, the cast then departs to a club, where there are plenty of opportunities for, um, “politicking” (polidicking). The cast has a surprisingly civil celebration at the actual club, but the sparks begin to fly as our challengers head home. One van gives way to lust, as Nany and Aneesa begin to make out, and the other van takes a different route, electing wrath as their deadly sin of choice. Jordan gets up in Bananas’ and CT’s face, prompting CT to threaten to punch his head in. There isn’t a lot of context given for the fight, and it really seems to be a result of Jordan just wearing on the nerves of everyone around him. CT asks Jordan to sign a release so he can punch his head in.


Hey look, pageant queen talent.

Hey look, pageant queen talent.

Meanwhile, in the first car, the girls start putting their fists inside their mouths.
Jordan and CT’s fight eventually simmers down, and we don’t get to see any real, physical violence. Still, the incident highlights just how few friends Jordan has in the house. Aside from Laurel, everyone seems to dislike him.

The Challenge

Enough drama, let’s get on to what you guys want to see, trivia. The cast is initially elated to her that this will be their first totally individual challenge, however this enthusiasm wanes as soon as they discover the challenge is “Smartypants,” a trivia game in which the contestants take turns answering questions. When a player gets two questions wrong, they are dumped into the water and eliminated from the challenge. The game runs in two rounds, boys and girls, and the last competitor standing at the end of each round will be crowned the winner, and get to choose who will be sent into elimination.

CT starts off the challenge, impressing us all by correctly identifying the official language of Uruguay as Spanish. Leroy then immediately accrues the first strike when he is asked to spell disguise, and responds with, “D-I-S-…..guise.” TJ gleefully gives him a strike while the house looks on and laughs.

Leroy’s humiliation is short lived, because Bananas immediately tops his stupidity in a pretty impressive way when he is asked to name the official language of Australia. Bananas, the world travler that he is, guesses “Dutch.” I didn’t expect Bananas to be a smart man, but I am shocked to discover that he has never seen a Crocodile Dundee movie.

Johnny then accumulates his first strike after saying that Vitamin C is the primary nutrient we gain from the sun, and Swift slides by strike-free after showing that he knows that teeth are the hardest part of the human body. Zach then answers the question, “Which princess pricked her finger on a spinning wheel and fell asleep for a hundred years?” with “Sleeping Beauty.” This question is such cake that it wouldn’t be worth noting, except Zach then reveals in a sound bite that he is “Interested in Disney princesses. I know Aurora is Sleeping Beauty, but I didn’t want to say Aurora and sound cocky.” You’re a tough guy to figure out, Zach, but I think I’m liking you more and more.

Such beauty. Such grace.

Such beauty. Such grace.

We return to the beginning of the order, and the questions start to pick up speed. Leroy is thrown into the water when he doesn’t know that Thomas Jefferson was the 3rd president of the United States, and Johnny follows soon after him when he doesn’t know who won the 2012 world series. Jordan is the 3rd and final dropout in the second round of questioning, although he tries to dress up his abject failure by doing a backflip as his dismount. It’s a pretty okay backflip, but not good enough to make me forget that Jordan failed out of the challenge as early as it is possible to do so.

Now people start dropping like flies. CT takes a swim when he doesn’t know who the middleweight champion of the UFC is, Cohutta follows after when he fails to spell “svelte,” and Preston’s lack of sports knowledge bites him in the ass when he can’t identify the 2013 Super Bowl Champion.

Round 4 finds 3 male contestants still in the game: Bananas, Swift, and Zach. Fortunately for Zach, Bananas can’t spell “acquaintance” and Swift can’t spell “exacerbated.” Zach is the last man standing, and reigns as the champion of the men’s round.

The girls round is sadder, mostly because it starts with a non-native English speaker, Camila. She gets the first question wrong because she doesn’t know that a thighbone is called a femur, and begins to cry. Laurel then identifies Texas as the biggest state in the US, and Jessica chokes when asked for a word that is “part of the body and could be used to hold treasure.” Cara Maria has the most embarrassing failure, though, after she is asked “What continent is the US on,” she admits that she doesn’t know what a continent is, throws up the guess “Northern continent,” and just generally demonstrates the same level of brain power as an onion.

The Jolly God laughs at human misery

The Jolly God laughs at human misery

The whole first round is pretty bleak for the girls, with only Devyn, Nany, and Jonna getting a question right. The second round isn’t much better, with Camila immediately eliminating herself after failing to identify the capital of California. Aneesa is the next to fall when she identifies the most populous country in the world as “Asia.”

Jessica doesn’t know who JFK is, so she gets dumped into the water, and Nany thinks George Washington is on the five dollar bill, so she’s also gotta pay the stupid tax and take the 4th spot in the draw. The girls then continue to widdle each other down, and Devyn takes her place as the challenge winner after impressively identifying MTV’s starting year as 1981. The only other highlight worth noting is that Cara Maria thinks Muhammad Ali’s real name is Mahatma Gandhi. In her words, “Mahatma Gandhi, isn’t that somebody?” Yes he is, Cara Maria. He is somebody.