Are You The One Season 2 Episode 9 Recap

December 04, 2014 / by / 2 Comments

So, first off, an apology is in order. There was no recap last week. This is obviously extremely terrible news, but there is a bright side in the fact that last week’s episode was super boring. There was very little in the way of drama, and the most noteworthy thing that happened was the house made a TERRIBLE truth booth choice, voting based on Christina instead of aiming for a couple that would give them more information. The end result was a no match for Nate & Christina, 5/10 matches at the ceremony, and a growing sense of panic within the house. Oh — also, Layton was awful and tried to pick a fight with Dario, but I feel that this is barely worth reporting on as its basically the AYTO equivalent of “the Sahara Desert was hot today.”

With only two match up ceremonies left it would be easy to give into despair, but the grim tidings have no effect on Anthony’s optimism. He continues to establish himself as one of the best contestants (Yes, I know I said some terrible things about Anthony early on. Yes, I’m sorry. He can brush his teeth or not brush his teeth, it’s not a big deal.) by trying to use past logic to sort through what they learned from their 5/10 perfect matches. Layton believes that he might be the double match, as he currently could be with Ashley, Tyler, or Christina. He thinks this is reasonable because he has this “two personality thing going on,” presumably referring to his multifaceted identity as both a shithead and a jackass.

Oh, and in the spirit of things that barely merit reporting, Brandon & Christina are back together! However, this time it has the unfortunate side-effect of making Nate lose his goddamn mind. He (correctly) states that all the sweet things Christina said to him were bullshit, since it took about .2 seconds for her to immediately run back to Brandon, and then Nate seals himself away in the confession room where he punches the walls over and over, powered by pure adolescent spite.

This week’s challenge is called “Stuck Buddies,” a name that establishes a unique place in AYTO history based on the fact that none of the contestants laugh at it. Ryan Devlin, unable to bear the thought of this GREAT JOKE passing them by, then explains that “it sounds like fuck buddies!” This leads to a round of sorrowful titters, and an almost visceral feeling of hate directed towards our awkward host.

Basically, “Stuck Buddies” is a partner game where the couples are stuck together and then have to navigate an obstacle course. It’s an interesting challenge, but not terribly fun to watch. The top 3 couples are Brandon & Brianna, Alex & Jasmine, and Ellie & Nathan. All three of these couples are perfect matches, so good job guys! They really can’t go wrong, although in my opinion it would be stupid to send Brandon & Brianna in since they are already reasonably sure about them.

"Uh-huh. Tell us more Ashley."

“Uh-huh. Tell us more Ashley.”

Ashley is in agony about whether Dario or Layton is her match, which is aggravating since she likes Dario about 1000x more than Layton, and has a much greater mathematical probability of being his match than being Layton’s. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that people are sick of listening to Ashley complain about it since they respond to her bitch sessions by glazing their eyes over and staring off into space. I like Ashley, but she’s making it hard.

And then we get a segment of the show that deals with girl-Alex, where we get to hear her say more than ten words. The whole thing is basically girl-Alex accepting that she’s being too guarded and that she needs to open herself up more if she’s going to have any chance of finding love/having a match and winning the money. This epiphany leads her to have a serious heart-to-heart with Anthony (who is her perfect match). It’s not exactly poetic, but it ends with Anthony conceding that he needs to get to know Alex better before adjourning to the hot tub.

Then, just as you were getting used to shit being fairly tranquil on this show, we get to see a nice scene of Nathan being a dick to Christina and getting 100% under her skin. He’s not even really doing anything that specific, he’s literally just curled up on a bed near her being an asshole. She responds by threatening to punch him in the face and then walking away. Brandon is unable to bear his woman suffering this treatment, and starts to get in Nate’s face, telling him, “She gave you a chance and you didn’t make the cut. Honestly bro, you’ve been on the back burner the entire time.”

This doesn’t even seem like that good of a line but the room EXPLODES in excitement and agreement. Garland jumps off his bed with a grin and sense of whimsy that clearly belongs to a twelve year old. The two then start advancing on each other in preparation of a physical fight, but most of the room is just looking on and smiling. Brandon and Nate aren’t gonna fight. These guys are way too lame. Brandon ends things by scurrying across the room and making out with Christina. Surprisingly the entire house seems to be on his side. Does…does the house not hate Brandon anymore?

Anyway, the whole thing ends with Nate calling Christina a skank and making her cry. She is improbably comforted by Jess, and then the whole thing just sort of… subsides. Nothing more to say.

Such a cute couple

Such a cute couple

The next day the three winning couples go on a go-cart date, which looks super fun. It’s one of the first dates where all the couples have a great time. Brandon & Brianna love the competitive aspect of the date, Nathan & Ellie find out they have a very similar upbringing and worldview, and Alex & Jasmine just continue to explore their weird, “opposites attract” kind of thing. They open up to each other and make the kind of individual connection they failed to make on their first date.

Back at the house everyone votes Jasmine & Alex in. So there isn’t much surprise when it’s reveal that they’re headed into the truth booth. It’s also not surprising when the dreaded booth reveals that they are a perfect match. Yay! Good job guys! Maybe you’ll win the money!

With the truth booth behind us we can focus on our most consistent problem: the Layton/Ashley/Dario triangle. Dario is upset because he’s pretty sure Layton is going to pick Ashley tomorrow, therefore precluding him from picking her, even though he knows she’s his perfect match (and, coincidentally, he’s right, so its hard not to be on Dario’s side.) Brandon shows some surprising insight in the simple soundbite, “Layton is being unfair to Ashley because he’s with Jess every night and she doesn’t want a guy like that. Ashley should stick to Dario because Dario wants her.” Hell yeah.

I think she makes this expression about as much as she smiles

I think she makes this expression about as much as she smiles

Our next incident comes in the form of Layton daring to put his arm around Cristina’s waist within eyesight of Jess. She responds by glaring across the house, storming over, and shouting, “Are you kidding me?! Are you serious?!” I don’t care. I hate all these people. I hope they kill each other.

We’re then treated to our weekly piece of honeymoon suite action. This week’s is pretty boring, as it’s just Shelby complaining to Jenni in a bar and trying to compare their situations, even though Shelby’s situation is utterly unlike Jenni’s. Still, its nice to know that she has the option to socialize with someone other than Curtis.

Matchup Ceremony

Pratt & Paris

Curtis & Shelby

John & Jenni

Alex & Jasmine (who are adorable together, even though Jasmine sucks.)

Nate & Ellie

Garland & Jessica (Jessica uses the platform to press Layton to reaffirm his devotion to her. He re-swears his loyalty causing her face to break into a nightmarish grin.)

Layton & Ashley (Leading to another fight between Layton and Dario. The whole thing culminates in Dario shouting, “I’ve already conquered Ashley!” which is, for those of you keeping score at home, pretty much the opposite of what he should say.)

Brandon & Briana

Dario & Tyler

Anthony & Alex

Christina recuses herself and opts to stand on the spinster stage. (Recognizing that they have a better chance of winning the money if the 11th girl is out of the equation, Christina willfully takes herself out of the ceremony. It might be the first smart thing she’s ever done.)

8/10 matches. That’s right guys. In a shocking display of confidence they’ve completely turned it around since last week and almost everyone has found their perfect match. The only problem is fucking LAYTON, who, for reasons that will never be clear to me, is matched with Tyler. If he just traded with Dario they would win, and given the amount of contention that surrounds Ashley, it seems like it’s the obvious switch to make. Of course, just because something is obvious doesn’t mean that they’ll do it. We’ll have to wait for next week – the last week where the million dollars truly hangs in the balance – to see if they can solve the last part of this puzzle.

Follow along with our updated, almighty Matchup Grid here.