Are You the One? We figured out the ten perfect matches, here's how

Are You the One? Episode 4 Recap

February 14, 2014 / by / 16 Comments
REVIEW OVERVIEW
7
7

Solidly Entertaining

Even after an extremely busy episode the house fails to make any real progress. The fights are as fun as ever, but it's painful to watch the house continue to flounder.

 Are You the One? Episode 4 Recap

               Are you the one At the outset of the 4th episode of Are You the One? we find our contestants in low spirits. They’ve just discovered that in their latest matchup ceremony they’ve only managed to get 2 out of 10 couples correct – a step down from the 4 out of ten couples in episode 2. This kind of failure is pretty unsurprising, since the house has exhibited zero ability to come to any kind of consensus on strategy. The tactic of “pick whoever your heart feels is right” might have been acceptable in the first few episodes, but we’re getting to the point where the house should begin to exercise a little more discretion. Ryan makes the most poetic attempt at expressing this issue when he delivers his melancholy monologue: “we didn’t use our minds, we went with our hearts. And now our minds are confused and our hearts are lonely.” Although, I personally liked Dre’s assessment a little more: “Nobody knows shit right now.” No one seems to have an immediate resolution to the problem, but Adam is at least trying to capitalize on the confusion through his fervent attempts to disown Brittany.

Of course, according the laws of probability the very next scene brings is Brittany being batshit insane. Wes tries to level with Brittany, telling her, “I’ve talked to you and I’ve talked to Adam a shitload, and y’all are not a match.” The rest of the house immediately jumps in to try and support Dre, trying to convince Brittany that she and Adam should try pairing up with different people. Predictably, she absolutely refuses to listen to reason. Eventually, Brittany talks herself into a nonsense argument that can be summarized as: “I don’t understand why everyone is disagreeing with me about my relationship, everyone agreed that we should make food when I suggested we make food earlier in the show. YOU ALL AGREED EARLIER.” I cannot wait to see this psycho bitch on The Challenge.

Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a wild Ashleigh appears. After three episodes of her getting less screen time than Big Foot, we are introduced to a budding relationship between Dre and Ashleigh. The crux of the potential problem with their relationship lies in the fact that Dre is a “reformed player,” but Ashleigh doesn’t believe that he’s truly changed his ways. I have no idea if they’re compatible because I’m still adjusting to the information that Ashleigh did not, in fact, sell her voice for a pair of legs earlier in her life.

This episode also introduces another unexpected pairing in Coleysia and Dillan. This isn’t surprising because they have mismatched personalities, but it is surprising because Dillan might be a racist. This theory is derived from the incident in the first episode when Coleysia used the word “anomaly” and Dillan assumed she was talking about an African tribe. Coleysia has decided to ignore this fact, instead focusing on the fact that Dillan can teach her to make eggs.

The challenge this week was entitled “Karma’s a Bitch.” It was an all-girls challenge, in which MTV bought in ten of the boys’ exes. Then, the women were given five minutes to ask each ex questions. At the end of the challenge each of the women had to try to guess which ex corresponded to which man in the house.

I do not know why the yoga mats are necessary.

I do not know why the yoga mats are necessary.

Honestly, the challenge is shorter on drama than you’d expect. A lot of the exes are basically there just to proclaim that they are going to continue to sleep with the men in the house. At first I thought this was pretty weird, but then I thought about it, and I’m pretty sure there’s a correlation between following someone onto television and wanting to have sex with them. Anyway, this constant revelation of “I’m going to continue to screw my ex” really just causes the women of the house to treat the exes with hostility, and a few of the Q&A sessions devolve into crude verbal sparring. What little dirt we do manage to gain on the men in the house is usually stuff we already knew. Adam’s a narcissist? No shit. Ryan wasn’t romantic with his girlfriend? He might have been if his ex was a man. The only thing that really surprised me was finding out that Ethan had cheated on his ex. Bummer, since Ethan is probably my favorite guy on the show right now, but if the first four episodes have taught us anything, it’s that nobody is even approaching perfection in this house.

The winner of the challenge is Jessica, who managed to identify 8/10 exes correctly. She is trailed in the standings by Brittany (6/10), Kayla (5/10), and Jacy (5/10). Jessica opts to take Dillan as her date partner, Brittany unsurprisingly (and selfishly) chooses Adam, Kayla tries to deepen her relationship with Ryan, and Jacy picks Wes (who cares).

But the date isn’t the only aftermath to the challenge; the exes are also hanging around the house for a night. This basically means that every girl in the house pairs off with the ex of the man they are most heavily pursuing at the moment in order to pump them for information. We’re treated to a particularly excruciating scene when Kayla starts to hit it off with Ryan’s ex. Ryan – apparently unable to stomach the fact that his ex might reveal that he’s gay and currently undermining the entire show by remaining closeted – responds to this situation by completely self-destructing. If you’re worried about two women talking shit about you, I would rate accusing and berating one of them as a tactic on-par with vomiting on your own shoes (which might at least elicit some pity.) Kayla and Ryan’s ex then gang up on Ry-Guy and the guy just gets socially pummeled.

The other noteworthy interaction between exes and contestants comes from Brittany! There’s no particular drama in her meeting the ex, but it is immediately apparent that Adam’s ex can tell exactly how crazy Brittany is. (It isn’t hard, Brittany basically talks about how Adam will have to spend a lot more time with her when they’re living alone in the same house since they are 100% soul mates). We’re even treated my favorite reaction shot of the season (fig.1.1).

The face Lovecraft spent his entire life trying to describe; the face of a person confronted by madness.

Fig 1.1: The face Lovecraft spent his entire life trying to describe; the face of a person confronted by madness.

Finally, the date (sipping Mai Tais on a train that circles one of Hawaii’s largest plantations) begins. A few noteworthy things happen on the date, and because so much happened this episode and the recap is getting a bit long, I’ll summarize them in list format:

 

-Dillan told Jessica that he’s torn between her and Coleysia, and as soon as one of those matches is disproven by the truth booth he will have a good idea of who his perfect match is.

"Once you're a jet, you're a jet all the way!"

“Once you’re a jet, you’re a jet all the way!”

-Ryan has a footrace, followed by a West Side Story dance with Kayla. Wes is in agony and pleads for them to “stop falling in love.”

-Adam tells Brittany that he is no longer interested in her. This leads to a shouting match between them that culminates in Adam calling Brittany a bitch at upwards of 100 decibels. Then they split up for the rest of the date and focus their complete energy on getting drunk. Later Brittany doesn’t even acknowledge that she and Adam fought, saying she had a “pretty good time” on the date.

 

For the full experience just scream as loud as you can whenever you look at this picture.

For the full experience just scream as loud as you can whenever you look at this picture.

Meanwhile, back at the house, no one can seem to agree to vote on who to send into the truth booth. This is shocking to me, as I think it’s obvious that they need to use the truth booth to shut Brittany the hell up, or, as John puts it, to “shut down the bullshit.” People seem to not realize how much of a team game this is, and having a cog in the machine that consistently refuses to cooperate is only going to continue to cause bigger and bigger problems. Luckily, they catch some form of a break when Adam absolutely EXPLODES on Brittany just before the truth booth announcement. I’m talking a “veins straining out of the neck, tossing his limbs around like his skeleton is trying to escape his skin” kind of explosion. Brittany classifies this as “Adam having his guard up” and decides that she just needs a little more time to crack him.

Ultimately Jessica and Dillan are sent into the truth booth, where they are declared “not a match.” The lack of progress results in everyone feeling pretty bummed out with the notable exception of Coleysia, who literally dances in the living room.

"Yay! We're not any closer to winning a million dollars!"

“Yay! We’re not any closer to winning a million dollars!”

Then, we are greeted to the most tragic piece of Are You the One? yet. Ethan and Amber, who we know (thanks to an MTV twitter promotion) are a true match, are broken up by Adam. This offense against love and decency occurs when Adam basically tells Amber that he wants to fuck her, and to do that she needs to break things off with Ethan. Ethan, perhaps because he is her one true match, supports her decision and says she need to explore her feelings for Adam if she thinks they’re legitimate. This causes Amber to think Ethan isn’t interested in her because he wasn’t willing to fight for her. The whole situation finally builds to Adam and Amber, trashed, together, basically talking about how badly they want to have sex and then making out. You could almost hear an MTV intern losing their faith in love.

Finally, the time for the matchup ceremony comes. The 10 matchups are as follows:

Episode 4 Matchups:

Coleysia- Dillan

Paige- Scali

Jess- Wes

Simone – Dre

Brittany – Ryan

Kayla- Ethan

Amber- Adam

Ashleigh – Chris T.

Shanley – JJ

Jacy- Joey

This matchup ceremony is a complete fucking disaster. The lack of communication beforehand results in a lot of girls getting their picks snatched from them before it is there term to pick, and this leads to a disastrous trickledown effect. Simone deserves particular credit here, as she picked Dre after he spent all episode expressing an interest in Ashleigh, and had refused to disclose who she was going to pick earlier. In fact, the only upside of this matchup ceremony comes in Brittany finally picking someone other than Adam.

The host then reveals that they only have 2/10 matches correct, further breaking everyone in the houses spirits. Next week the housemates will be permitted to send two couples to the truth booth, but right now it still feels like they’re miles away from making any kind of significant progress. If you haven’t already, you can see the whole episode here.

EXTRA SUPER SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE: Logic Grid

My most excellent friend Derek Tucker has contributed to my Are You the One? column by helping me put together this logic grid that shows all the matchups from each episode. I’ll update the grid as new episodes air, and hopefully we can figure out all the perfect matches before the contestants do! I’m pretty sure it’s possible to actually calculate the odds of each perfect match, but we haven’t gotten that far yet (maybe next week.) Anyway, for those curious and consummate readers, here is the grid.

Episode Highlights:

-Dillan’s toast with the guys when his ex actually said something nice about him

-Ryan’s ex acknowledging that she was on television

-Scali and John thrusting and celebrating and dancing as Adam screamed at Brittany

Seriously. They were just doing this while Adam was screaming at Brittany.

Seriously. They were just doing this while Adam was screaming at Brittany.