We Didn’t See That: Skeleton Twins
Every so often Ali reviews a movie she hasn’t actually seen, based solely on comments from Twitter, IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, etc. This week, she reviews The Skeleton Twins.
Upon sitting down to write this article, I realized that there are a lot of movies involving twins, and all of them are hilarious! We’ve got Twins with Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Parent Trap with LiLo, The Shining with those cute little girls in the matching dresses! The list goes on and on. So I thought it was fair to assume that this movie, starring famous actors from comedies like SNL and Modern Family, was going to be piss your pants hilarious.
But I forgot one very important detail…Skeletons.
Dude. Skeletons aren’t funny at all! Take a look at some movies with spooky skeletons in them, such as Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Corpse Bride, or Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. These films could not be any less funny if they tried! So what do we get when we combine hilarious twins and scary skeletons, mixing genres that shouldn’t really go together?
An indie film.
A film that is at once uplifting and depressing, leaving you confused but with slightly better musical taste. A film by the left, for the left, touching on serious issues like cancer or drug addiction, which allows for plenty of shots of people staring out windows in the rain and never making eye contact. It won’t really have a plot, but it will have characters with names like ‘Audrey’ and ‘Roland.’ There will be a quirky girl who does something quirky like carry around a baby duck everywhere she goes or quirkily only wear her hair in pigtails. Cut to an emotional breakdown (in the rain), some hugging, and roll credits while a Postal Service song plays. Did I get it?
I was watching the trailer to confirm this hypothesis when it hit me: THIS MOVIE IS EXACTLY LIKE ZACH BRAFF’S GARDEN STATE OH MY GOD. To prove my second hypothesis, I quickly developed this list of indisputable fact nibblets for your brain to munch on:
The Skeleton Twins IMDB summary: Having both coincidentally cheated death on the same day, estranged twins reunite with the possibility of mending their relationship.
Garden State IMDB summary: A quietly troubled young man returns home for his mother’s funeral after being estranged from his family for a decade.
Death, family problems, the word ‘estranged’- check, check, check!
ST: People uncomfortably conversing in a waiting room
GS: People uncomfortably conversing in a waiting room
People. Come on, people. Look at this framing.
ST: Moody male protagonist is moody
GS: Moody male protagonist is moody
To be fair, I’d be sad too if my house had wallpaper like that.
ST: Quirky female protagonist tries to cheer moody dude up
GS: Quirky female protagonist tries to cheer moody dude up
But does it work?! Let’s find out!
ST: It doesn’t work. Zany outfits are Plan B!
GS: It doesn’t work. Zany outfits are Plan B!
ST: A breakthrough is made and an intimate moment is shared while a Shins song (probably) plays
GS: A breakthrough is made and an intimate moment is shared while a Shins song (definitely) plays
Theories proven, self validated! My final rating is fully dependent on whether you were raised in the suburbs by parents who have names like Bill and Peggy, or on a nudist hippie commune in California. So are you a Jamba Juice or a soy-based, 100% organic, homemade rhubarb smoothie?
Rating: 3.5 out of 4 Stars for the Sundance kids, 1.5 out of 4 for middle America