10 Photos of Adorable Animals Expressing Misgivings About the Sochi Olympics

February 17, 2014 / by / 25 Comments

The cutest animals you’ve ever seen speak their mind about the 2014 Winter Olympic Games.


Fantasy Olympics: Score Update

February 16, 2014 / by , / 16 Comments

The 2014 Sochi Winter Olympic Games are more than halfway through, and like a weeklong Stoli bender they’ve been anything but predictable. While the field of our top fantasy teams narrows faster than Bob Costas’ eye, it’ll still be an exciting battle for a spot on the podium.


Aaron Hernandez Spends Seventh Consecutive Felontine’s Day Alone

February 14, 2014 / by / 9 Comments

BOSTON — Former New England Patriots tight end and accused murderer Aaron Hernandez announced this morning that he would be spending Felontine’s Day alone this year.


Why You Hate Fans Of All 32 NFL Teams

February 13, 2014 / by / 16 Comments

Having just experienced the first Sunday without football, or the expectation of football, since early September, I’ve made the executive decision that I will not be able to quit cold turkey the drug that gives me reason to live. So before I enter the annual period of sustained self-reflection that characterizes February-September for every NFL fan, I’m going to take this opportunity to shit on the fanbases of all 32 NFL teams.


Goodell Asks Secretary If Gay People Can Get Concussions

February 10, 2014 / by / 21 Comments

NEW YORK — Sources report that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell loudly and unapologetically asked his secretary this morning whether gay people were able to get concussions.


Fantasy Olympics: Draft Recap

February 08, 2014 / by / 19 Comments

Draft Day has come and gone for Sochi’s Fantasy Winter Olympics 2k14, and unlike Russian Olympic rings, the field is wide open.


The 5 Stages of Grief After Losing The Super Bowl

February 04, 2014 / by / 13 Comments

I am a lifelong Broncos fan. When the Broncos went to Super Bowl XXXII, the 5-year-old piss-ant version of me memorized the Broncos’ entire active roster.


We Came Up With Rules For Fantasy Olympics So You Don’t Have To

January 31, 2014 / by / 30 Comments

In The Red Fern Grows, a character says, “There’s always someone there to fill the spaces.” At least I think it was The Red Fern Grows. It was definitely one of those books with a dead dog.