Chemicals are everywhere. Because they are everything. They are all of the things.

Nothing is “Chemical-Free” Because Everything is Chemicals

April 04, 2016 / by / 1 Comment

The official definition of matter is anything that takes up space and has mass.

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Listen up, nerds. Last week every dork in America was freaking about waves of gravity or something but let me just set the record straight: gravitational waves are boring as shit.

Hot Takes In Your Area: Graviational Waves Are Boring As Shit

February 16, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

NOTE: Hot Takes In Your Area should be considered satire at all points unless you agree with it in which case it’s totally serious.

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Here Are 60 Snow-based Pun Hashtags For Your Annoying Instas This Weekend

January 22, 2016 / by , , / 1 Comment

The East Coast is rapidly descending into godless chaos today, as the “Storm of the Century” nears its arrival.

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Responding to Oklahoma Wesleyan University president's open letter to his students

A Line-by-Line Response to Dr. Everett Piper’s ‘This Is Not A Day Care’ Open Letter

December 03, 2015 / by / 7 Comments

Earlier this week, Oklahoma Wesleyan University president Dr. Everett Piper penned an open letter to President Obama regarding an incident where an OWU student reported feeling ‘victimized’ by a university sermon. Here’s our line-by-line response:

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Are these the headlines for a Cosmopolitan article, and Esquire Article, or Both?

QUIZ: Cosmo article, Esquire article, or Both?

November 29, 2015 / by / 0 Comment

What’s the difference between Esquire and Cosmopolitan?

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The Pope still supports his hometown squad, San Lorenzo de Almagro

Pope Francis Still Roots for His Hometown Soccer Team

September 25, 2015 / by / 16 Comments

As Pope Francis rode outside of the Vatican in early September, an Argentine man shouted a question about soccer at him. “Are we going to beat Boca on Sunday?”

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Electoral College Dropout: Speculating Kanye’s Cabinet Appointments in 2020

September 09, 2015 / by / 1 Comment

December, 2020 — It’s been approximately one month since the nation chose to elect the presidential ticket of Kanye West and Dalai Lama

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17 Struggles a ‘Good Girl’ Faces When She Dates Her First ‘Bad Boy’

September 07, 2015 / by , / 2 Comments

Every woman has her own perception of a “bad boy.”

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© Denny Renshaw

Unreleased Tracks from the Sufjan Stevens Album ‘Illinois’

August 05, 2015 / by / 0 Comment

“Springfield” (Part I:  I guess we’re picking the City with the Most Generic Name as our Capital – Part II: Let’s Throw Some Abraham Lincoln Stuff in Here to make it Worthwhile for School Field Trips)

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