Chemicals are everywhere. Because they are everything. They are all of the things.

Nothing is “Chemical-Free” Because Everything is Chemicals

April 04, 2016 / by / 1 Comment

The official definition of matter is anything that takes up space and has mass.

Listen up, nerds. Last week every dork in America was freaking about waves of gravity or something but let me just set the record straight: gravitational waves are boring as shit.

Hot Takes In Your Area: Graviational Waves Are Boring As Shit

February 16, 2016 / by / 0 Comment

NOTE: Hot Takes In Your Area should be considered satire at all points unless you agree with it in which case it’s totally serious.


Here Are 60 Snow-based Pun Hashtags For Your Annoying Instas This Weekend

January 22, 2016 / by , , / 1 Comment

The East Coast is rapidly descending into godless chaos today, as the “Storm of the Century” nears its arrival.

Responding to Oklahoma Wesleyan University president's open letter to his students

A Line-by-Line Response to Dr. Everett Piper’s ‘This Is Not A Day Care’ Open Letter

December 03, 2015 / by / 7 Comments

Earlier this week, Oklahoma Wesleyan University president Dr. Everett Piper penned an open letter to President Obama regarding an incident where an OWU student reported feeling ‘victimized’ by a university sermon. Here’s our line-by-line response:

Are these the headlines for a Cosmopolitan article, and Esquire Article, or Both?

QUIZ: Cosmo article, Esquire article, or Both?

November 29, 2015 / by / 0 Comment

What’s the difference between Esquire and Cosmopolitan?

The Pope still supports his hometown squad, San Lorenzo de Almagro

Pope Francis Still Roots for His Hometown Soccer Team

September 25, 2015 / by / 33 Comments

As Pope Francis rode outside of the Vatican in early September, an Argentine man shouted a question about soccer at him. “Are we going to beat Boca on Sunday?”


Electoral College Dropout: Speculating Kanye’s Cabinet Appointments in 2020

September 09, 2015 / by / 1 Comment

December, 2020 — It’s been approximately one month since the nation chose to elect the presidential ticket of Kanye West and Dalai Lama


17 Struggles a ‘Good Girl’ Faces When She Dates Her First ‘Bad Boy’

September 07, 2015 / by , / 2 Comments

Every woman has her own perception of a “bad boy.”

© Denny Renshaw

Unreleased Tracks from the Sufjan Stevens Album ‘Illinois’

August 05, 2015 / by / 0 Comment

“Springfield” (Part I:  I guess we’re picking the City with the Most Generic Name as our Capital – Part II: Let’s Throw Some Abraham Lincoln Stuff in Here to make it Worthwhile for School Field Trips)