Kayla crying

Are You the One? Episode 8 Recap “Getting Dumped”

March 14, 2014 / by / 5 Comments
REVIEW OVERVIEW
8
8

Great television

This Kayla-centric episode was surprisingly entertaining, and resulted in big, entertaining changes within the house.

The cataclysmic fallout of Shanley & Chris T.’s truth booth separation has dominated the last two episodes of Are You the One? While those episodes were excellent in their own right, they really slowed down the show. This week we finally got to see a new challenge, date, truth booth, and matchup ceremony. At the end of this action packed episode, we were able to definitively figure out all ten perfect matches. But don’t worry, they don’t know what we know, so the season isn’t over yet.

The opening of Episode 8 once again finds the house in low spirits. It’s late in the game to not be making progress, and 5/10 just isn’t cutting it. This leads to the quasi-philosophical bitching that accompanies every matchup ceremony, as the different members of the house try to understand exactly what they’re doing wrong.

Then, like a sub-plot-Frankenstein, we see Adam & Brittany rise from the dead. Adam first tells Ethan: “I don’t know, maybe Brittany and I are a match.” If that sounds like one of the stupidest things you’ve ever heard, don’t sweat it, you’re right. Ethan doesn’t know what to say to Adam, and settles for expressing general disbelief. Luckily, we then get a glimpse inside Adam’s thought process in a video confessional:

“I’m horny as fuck. So it looks like I’m gonna have to go to the boom-boom-room with Brittany. So…. Shit. Well. That’s gonna be pretty fun, so we’ll see what happens.”

He has no problem talking Brittany into the boom-boom-room, and they enjoy another bout of their alleged “porn-star sex,” no dirty talk leaking into the hallways this time though.

After that weird, erotic trip down memory lane, we’re jolted back into the present by a fight between John & Jacy. The conflict was precipitated by John doing this weird, cooing, soft voice thing where he was talking about taking Jacy on a “special date,” when Jacy immediately jumps in and says, “I’m not ready.” This is where we see some of the worst of John, as his whiny, low-self esteem is really abrasive, but Jacy is pretty civil about it, and if we’re being realistic, she’s playing the game in the right way. Their relationship doesn’t look very stable, which makes sense because they’re not a match.

Are You the One? episode 8 challenge well-hung

“I don’t understand it but I’m in!” -John

Then it’s on to this week’s challenge, “well hung.” This is a weird and physical challenge, where each pair has to hold onto a rope and then have sex-lube poured onto them, if either member of the pair falls from the rope, they are disqualified. The last four couples standing go on a date, and the last to fall goes on an extra special one-on-one date. Dre & Shanley are the first to drop, and after that teams start to fall like flies. Within a few minutes Adam & Brittany, Ethan & Amber, John & Jacy, and Wes & Jess have all been disqualified. This means that the three date couples are: Scali & Simone, Ryan & Kayla, and Joey & Ashleigh (who were the overall winners and are going on the one-on-one night on the beach date). This is a pretty dismal set of truth booth candidates, and really begs the question as to why they don’t try to strategize their challenge winners and losers a little more.

Just two people humping each other on a lube rope. Normal TV stuff.

Just two people humping each other on a lube rope. Normal TV stuff.

Joey and Ashleigh have a dud of a date, as Ashleigh is still too hung up on Dre to really want to do anything with Joey, and the situation is further worsened by the fact that Joey is far too nice to push the issue. Joey & Ashleigh have to share the single bed in the tent, and Ashleigh instructs Joey in temperance, “If you get a little morning happy below, don’t put it on me!”

We’re then greeted to another Scali manipulation scene, which have really been a fixture of this season. Scali is now currently trying to get with Jacy, and is aggressively campaigning for her to spend less time with John, and more time with himself. He brings this up, and then reframes the issue as “I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m asking you to hang out with me.” It’s a weird mix of sweet nothings and conversational domination, but Scali does have a point that Jacy really seems like she’s never been feeling it with John.

Ryan and Kayla fight

Boom-Boom Room Brawl

And then, finally my friends, we come to the central arc of the episode: the collapse of Kayla. The whole things starts when Ryan asks if Kayla wants to go to the boom-boom room with him. She immediately gets mad at him for asking and acts disgusted about going to a place called the boom-boom room. This would be a reasonable objection if she hadn’t christened the room while offering to bang Ryan in it. It doesn’t take much time for Kayla to work herself up into a low-shout, which Ryan insists she quiets. Kayla sulkily relies, “don’t tell me what to do, you’re not my father,” and turns away from Ryan. Next thing we know Kayla is crying, and insisting she never wants to go to the boom-boom room because she has morals, and condemns Ryan’s cruelty: “Just cut me anyway you can, because I won’t go to the boom-boom room with you.”

Then, for reasons that I will never possibly be able to understand, Ryan & Kayla move their fight out into the open part of the house. Ryan insists that Kayla stop “hiding behind the word ‘morals.’’ Kayla confides in us that Ryan’s lack of respect for this “huge thing in her life” is “killing her on the inside.” Still, it’s anger more than remorse that’s dictating this fight, and the whole thing ends with Kayla letting Ryan know that he “sucks as a person.” Kayla retreats to the driveway in order to better weep and pray for divine intervention, while Ryan heads upstairs, causing a delightfully surreptitious stampede as the rest of the house flees their eavesdropping spots.

Gossip queens

Gossip queens

At this point Ethan just can’t restrain himself, and starts tearing into Kayla — it gets pretty vitriolic pretty fast, but then, for a split second it looks like he’s going to pull it back: “You need help Kayla.”

Okay, Ethan, set her straight.

“You might be a preachers daughter, but any teachers daughter I’ve ever known wasn’t banging NBA players.”

Shit. Too mean.

“And wasn’t the spawn of Satan.”

Fuck.

Amber is a little freaked out by how much Ethan is attacking Kayla, and he retreats from the room to get “reinforcements.” Ethan gets EVERYONE in the house to come into the room and talk to Kayla about what they think about her. The house gleefully starts shitting on Kayla, and it really starts to pile on. A few notable excerpts:

”I think you have a good heart, I think you have good intentions… You say ‘I have such strong morals,’ and this-and-that. You’re not! You’re full of shit! Embarrassingly, pathetically, sadly full of shit.” -John

“If we weren’t stuck in this house together people would leave you. You’d be alone.” -Ryan

“It’s not worth the time it takes to talk to you.” -Ethan

“You deserve a thousand bullets.” –Shanley

“You’re crazy.” –Amber

Kayla hitting herself

TV tantrum

The only person there who expresses any sympathy is Wes, “Taking heat from 16 people would be rough on anybody, and Kayla already seems like she’s a little on edge, and we gotta lay off but we just keep piling on and I’m thinking, ‘Damn, I kinda feel bad for her.’” After everyone leaves the room Jacy tries to give Kayla a little pep-talk and Kayla has a psychotic break and starts hitting herself. Jacy has to pin her down and hold her until she calms down, and the whole thing is super intense. It makes Kayla a little more sympathetic, and gives rise to an interesting theory.

THEORY (Not directly related to the episode): After the episode Kayla uploaded a youtube video that addresses her behavior in episode 8. She maintains that her fight with Ryan was stupid, but that MTV cut a lot of it out to make her look more ridiculous. More importantly, she says that Ethan was constantly hitting on her and telling her that he would leave Amber if she’d agree to hook up with him. This eventually led to him taking her to the one place without a camera in the house, behind the TV, where he aggressively made out with her. Obviously, this has become a conspiracy, and while they are rare, Kayla has attracted a small group of twitter supporters who believe that Ethan – the master manipulator – basically maneuvered the entire house against Kayla to avoid taking responsibility for something that he’d done. Now, I don’t really believe this, but I think it’s interesting to know other people do.

After Kayla beats herself, everyone goes on a date. Seriously, nobody mentions that Kayla played her brain-case like a drum. Kayla’s feeling pissed at everyone from yesterday, and so refuses to go on the date with Ryan. Frankly, this seems like a win-win, and Scali is especially pleased because now he can pal around with Ryan instead of just being on a romantic date with Simone, who he is “not attracted to in the slightest.” The date seems nice, but also looks like probably the lamest one so far.

And everyone in the truth booth was relieved

And everyone in the truth booth was relieved

The house votes Ryan & Kayla into the truth booth, surprising no one. They are ultimately not a match, which I think is a relief for both of them. Still, another failed truth booth is a blow to house morale, and everyone (except Wes, Ryan, and Kayla) isn’t super pleased.

Meanwhile, Jacy can’t choose between John and Scali, John is pressuring Jacy to commit, which is only hurting the situation. She doesn’t “do ultimatums,” and makes the sweeping claim, “I would never put him or anybody who was feeling some kind of way in the position of ‘tell me now!’” John’s so mopey about this that it’s hard to root for him, and after she refuses to commit he counts himself out and tells everyone he won’t be picking her for the matchup ceremony. Scali immediately announces his intention to scoop her up.

Where did you get those clothes?

Where did you get those clothes?

Next thing we know we’re watching the matchup ceremony. Shanley immediately kisses Chris T. in a fairly revolting display of affection, remind us that no matter what is happening PAIGE IS THE REAL VICTIM. Also noteworthy: Ryan makes known his return to the romantic market by dressing up as… Aladdin, complete with an oddly well-crafted mini-fez.

People get down to business and start picking. The pairs are as follows:

Episode 8 Matchups:

Dillan & Coleysia

Chris T. & Paige

Wes & Kayla (Has a crazy meltdown, still gets picked first)

Scali & Jacy (Paige comments that Scali is “just looking for a lay”)

Adam & Shanley

Ethan & Amber (“I don’t have a top three, I just have one, Amber.” -Ethan)

Joey & Jess

Dre & Simone

Ryan & Ashleigh

John & Brittany

Of these ten pairs, we know that seven are correct. Amazingly, this new data gives us the breakthrough we need, and we’re able to finish our logic grid and determine all ten perfect matches (the explanation for how we found them is here).

Seven out of ten! They’re getting close, but do you think they’ll be able to figure it out in time? Sound off in the comments below, and stay tuned to National Ave for more Are You the One? coverage.